Highway

Reflection

So, wow. I'm not completely comfortable with this but this is something I need to do and things I need to get off my chest. If I'm being entirely honest, I would've written this three or four years ago, this book would have been written out totally different. 

I've had a good life, and if I was ever able to go back in time and had the chance to tell my younger self anything at all it would be, don't take things for granted. Someone asked me the other day if I would change anything in my life or recently and, I couldn't answer them. It took me three days to come up with an answer to their question, and my answer is, I don't think I would change anything because otherwise, the present would overall different than it is now. I'm never one to sugarcoat anything so, to be honest, I've hated myself. Like, hated myself, for almost fifteen and a half years and I'm eighteen. And I know that sounds super idiotic and stupid of me but it's true. In the last year and a half thanks to friends, family, therapy, and school I've started, (granted I'm not there all the way yet), however, I am slowly learning to accept myself and love myself.  

My family means everything to me and I've accepted the fact that I was a horrible child, (which I'll explain more about later), and I take full responsibility for what I've done and how it has affected my family. I am not a "perfect" person but who the fuck is nowadays, right? Sorry for the language but I warned you this book would be mature so I guess it's not my fault. I have three brothers, one older and two younger than me. All three, mean the world to me and as much as I talk about being okay if the older one died and such... I could never live with myself if that became a reality. My mom and dad have taught me close to everything I know about the world and what to expect. Because; come on I'm sure we all know the world it's all sunshine and rainbows and that we're all going to die one day whether we want to or we're ready or not. Jesus, that went dark for a second. 

I have issues, I'm not going to deny it. And I like to think that my struggle with my issues and my past has somehow molded me into who I am today. I know that sounds really cliche and all but it's true.