girls

Play: Honey by Kehlani

I've encountered different types of girls throughout living my life. Well, merely existing my life. The girls I felt something for in a momentary period of time until it went away to see the beauty within the next one I've stumbled upon.

Like my first love. Young, carefree, pure, although the twinkle in her eyes lingered whenever she looked at me.

Unruly hair kept in a ponytail, slightly chubby cheeks of the mark of adolescence, her blue hoodie a significant trademark in my memories. Sweet, graceful, our connection emitting warmth as she defined the feeling of love for me. Secret caresses, hidden touches, a love thought to be so concealed by others.

She held my hand and led us through an unknown path, the both of us oblivious to what society thought and the consequences in the future that would unknowingly change me. She abandoned me as I still held onto someone who had already let go.

Yet I missed her, I really did.

So young and dumb, but after some time you realize you don't miss the person, you miss the memories.

Bittersweet feeling it was.

She may have been the start of something to discover, the start of self-discovery, realization, and lastly, love. Although my first, I thought my only, she wasn't the last for me.

My second love. An unrequited love. Both of us aware of my harboring feelings as she was a hurricane that swept me up in her essence and left me destroyed.

Her eyes vividly brown and playful. Always so playful and teasing. She smelled of citrus and mangoes and her voice that felt like the excitement of being somewhere you've always wanted to be. She was addicted to fruit punch, her lips almost always stained red. An unintentional flirt, a natural beauty, so fiery, captivating, fierce, the intensity of her aura was something I couldn't pull away from even if I tried. And I tried.

Everything she made me feel was so.... connected. The raging butterflies in my stomach whenever I was about to see her made my heart race into an irregular pattern. When she smiled, the blood rushed throughout my body, leaving my feet cold and my hands sweaty, the flush on my face prominent. Making each other laugh, the lively content I felt as we couldn't stop. Her touch so intense, I don't think she knew how it effected me. The grip on my hand, unexpected piggy back rides, sitting on my lap. A fleeting feeling took over me as if she was a drug and I was an addict. Our energies so exuberant and intertwined, we were harmonious together.

Then I was in love.

Then suddenly everything began to hurt.

Longing. I wanted her to be mine.

Jealousy. Every damn guy that got her attention.

Envy. I wish that was me.

Anger. Dammit, why?

Heartbreak. Pieces of my heart slowly crumbling as time went on.

Then we went our separate ways.

Several months followed. Those unattached feelings felt so liberating like my lungs could breathe again from the strings of my own heartbreak pulling me down with it.

Although it came to an end eventually. Another one came. An unrequited infatuation.

A stranger. Untested waters. Unknown outcomes. Someone who's been in the background for several months, but wasn't until then she did finally caught my attention.