Pain

Relationships

Her touch gave me life,
Her smile brought happiness,
She treated me like a prince,
She built up,
My self confidence,
With lies.

She forced my first kiss,
She forced my heart to cry,
She caused me to wonder,
If I really meant something to her.

She grew colder,
More distant,
Made me feel like it was my fault,
Made me hurt.

She'd tell me,
'Its none of your business,'
'Its nothing,'
'You should know what's wrong,'
And she expected me to have the answers.

I never did.

I,
Never,
Did.

My pain,
Was her pleasure.

Her amusement,
Was my suffering.

She grew even more distant,
More manipulative.

She kept breaking down that self worth,
The self worth she had built,
The self worth,
She,
Had,
Created.

I grew distant,
From friend,
Family,
And devoted myself to figure out,
What,
I,
Did,
Wrong.

Even though I didn't do anything wrong.

I never did anything wrong.

She was the one at fault,
She always was,
She was the cruel ex who wanted me to suffer,
The one who killed my happiness.

The one who broke me.

The one,
Who caused,
My heart to be pulverized into dust.

To this day,
I haven't recovered.

To this day,
I,
Don't,
Trust,
My,
Heart,
With,
Anyone.

Because the thing is,
There's no proof,
That someone won't hurt me again.

There's no proof,
That my heart will recover.

I don't trust my heart to anyone,
Not since her,
My mind tells me,
'Never again will I trust.'

But then I met him,
Tall,
Funny,
Cute,
Precious,
A sweethearted guy.

He brightened my smile,
Brought the lights back to my eyes,
My heart told me,
'You like him,'
'He's perfect.'

My mind,
On the other hand,
Told me,
'Dont trust again,'
'Pain is the only thing a relationship can bring you.'

I trusted my heart,
For awhile it was great,
Happiness and love were evident.

But,
As time passed,
I grew distant,
And,
Fearing I'd be like her,
I told him I couldn't handle being in a relationship,
And that I didn't know,
When I would be able to be.

I had to break his heart,
In order to save him,
From more pain.

For I am afraid of hurting him,
In the same way,
She,
Hurt,
Me.

And I,
Don't,
Want,
Him to suffer.

The same way I did.

I never have.

So seeing the pain in his eyes,
When I told him,
'I can't be in a relationship,'
'I'm not ready,'
It hurt,
So much,
And I felt,
My already broken heart,
Break even more.

Turning my broken heart,
From a powdery dust,
Into nothingness,
Into oblivion,
Because I didn't want,
To cause him that pain.

It broke my already broken spirit,
To see his heart break.

And I hate myself for hurting him.