The Final Triwizard Tournament

XXVIII

I left in a cold fury, as opposed to a hot one. My steps out the door and into the corridor were measured and unrushed. Maybe I would regret my candor later, but as I was at that moment my heart felt like a frozen, shriveled thing, and I meant every word.

"Alice Lovett, you are not permitted to leave for another twenty minutes," Professor Aragon called sternly after my retreating back. "I'll be forced to give you detention!"

"I'll see you at seven in your office, sir. Same time as always," I said, not breaking my stride, because anywhere was better than that room at that exact moment. I didn't want to see her face for at least a few days.

My steps weren't the only ones echoing down the empty corridor. Under normal circumstances, my paranoia might have forced my hand to investigate, except I almost welcomed an attack. At least it would allow me to let off some steam.

"Alice."

The unexpectedness of that next voice actually slowed me in my tracks, though not surprising enough to halt me completely. "Yes? What do you want? Head back to class."

Abiel hesitated a few steps behind me in that echoing stone corridor, too quiet, now that the door to Potions had swung closed. I could sense his indecision: to follow, or to let me be. He just needed a little push.

"Go on," I urged quietly. "I don't need a partner with me in detention."

When I didn't hear any further movement behind me as I continued on my path through the castle, I was almost... disappointed. I think I wanted someone to care enough to chase after me, but why would they, when all I was good for was chasing others away and lashing out at people for things that had nothing to do with them.

My list of friends grew increasingly thin.

And a destructive part of me wanted to continue wiping that slate clean, or to destroy it entirely.

If I had no one else to care for, no one else to mind, I could be as cut-throat as I needed to survive. I wouldn't have to hang out for hours in other people's common rooms when all I really wanted was to be alone for awhile, I wouldn't have to be considerate of the state of their lives, when I could barely bring myself to think of my own without feeling like Atlas, the titan slowly crushed by the weight of holding up the entire world.

I wanted so desperately not to feel so alone, while simultaneously cutting every thread of friendship I ever had, because in the fragile balancing act of life, friendship was the only thing I had left to drop without causing irreparable harm to myself or my brother.

I didn't know what to do anymore.

I slumped against the wall, and slowly, slid to the floor, where I stayed, minutes passing into hours. The corridor was a remote one, suffering few, if any, travelers a day, so although it lacked in comfort, I couldn't think anywhere else I'd rather be, unable to manifest any more remote locations I could reach without first running into people. For now, it had to do.

When somebody came looking, my dormitory would be the first place they searched, then the library, by the lake, and up in the astronomy tower.

If anyone came looking at all. I wasn't entirely sure they would. I hoped they might, and I also didn't. At worst, I was hypocritical; at best, I was chocked full of multitudes.

6:45 came too soon. My joints stiff from disuse, I climbed achingly to my feet and made off for my promised detention. The door to the professor's office was only barely peaked ajar as I approached. I knocked twice before pushing it the rest of the way open, lingering in the doorway for Professor Aragon to take notice.