No Love Attached

chapter twenty : tequila tears

     And just like that, the book deal was mine.

     I was by no means a great person, in fact, I was worse than most before I had met Josh. I would lie, manipulate, and fuck to get what I wanted. Even now, I was ruthless when it came to business. But the shame of using my fiancé's death to get a book deal hung thick in the air the whole drive back to the hotel. 

    The Fitz-Wells Hotel was a tall and beautiful traditional building. One that made my stomach turn when I looked up at it. There was still unnerving feeling knowing that this was where I began to let go of Josh, and knowing it was owned by Leo and Aaron made it all the more twisted.

    I hurried through the still busy lobby, just in case Penney was somewhere ready to corner me with her fake sob story.

    That strange feeling in my stomach rose as the elevator did. It was a feeling that was becoming more and more familiar. And that was because I was giving it permission to manifest for once.

    Leo was sitting on the floor in the hall outside of my hotel room with a bottle of tequila in hand.

     "I was beginning to think maybe Aaron swept you off your feet." He said with a smirk.

        My eyes rolled as I unlocked the door. He hoisted himself off the ground and followed me into the room. "Swept me off my feet? I didn't even finish dinner."

       After taking off my coat and throwing my keys on the counter, I made my way into the kitchen to grab some glasses with ice cubes and chasers for the alcohol. Leo comfortably sat himself down at the dining table, like he had been in my room one too many times. That was because he had been in my room one too many times.

      A loud chuckle filled the room. "Oh god, he must be seething right now. Most women run to his bedroom."

     "Just like they run to yours?" I sipped my tequila soda triumphantly.

     He bit down on his plump lips to suppress another one of his low chuckles, "Touché."

     The drinks started going down smoother and faster like they always did. The burn of the alcohol completely diminishing into a crisp bubbliness that only such forms of self medication could give you. Next thing you know, you're a couple jokes down and a few drinks deep.

      "C'mon. What about you?" Leo asked, finishing off what I counted as his fourth drink.

     "What about me?" I sipped my third.

      "Your uh, I don't know...love life, I guess?" He scratched his head and scrunched his face, knowing how ridiculous this sounded coming from a man his age.

      "Oh god, no. Isn't this like, taboo?" I tried to make light of a topic, I did not want to get into. I took one last big gulp of my drink.

      "Oh, so only you can joke about mine?" I nodded repeatedly like a child. "C'mon, Vera. You're a mystery here! All I know is that you showed Clare quite the good time in college. Whenever I ask about you, people just kind of give me a strange look or they don't know anything. So, what's your deal?"

      "Well, there was this guy, Bobby Kauffman in fifth grade. It was pretty intense."

       Sober Vera was fantastic at deflecting. Drunk Vera, not so much. Bobby the bubblegum bandit was all I could muster up.

        "I mean, actually --"

       "Leo, let's not get into this," I retorted, my drunken playfulness leaving just as fast as it arrived. Although, his was not.

     "What is it? Secret husband? Crazy ex? Bad breakup?"

      "No. Um," I felt my blood temperature rising and not in the way I was hoping it would. "It's not anything like that. Damon really hasn't mentioned anything?" I muttered.

     My skin felt like it was on fire. I had really liked Leo not knowing about Josh. He was the only person I could sit, have a drink, and pretend with. Pretend I wasn't this broken little shard of glass who has a dead fiancé.

     I wanted to keep that illusion alive. Not for Leo, but for myself. But since I had told Aaron, I'm sure it was no time at all until Leo would hear of it.

       He shook his head. The worried look on his face told me he had finally grasped this wasn't a joking matter.

     "I was with someone for a pretty long time. We were engaged. Had a wedding date and everything. And then, he died. And shit has been pretty fucked up since," Tears burned the rims of my eye. I tried to hold them, but one or two escaped down my cheek. "Look, I don't do this kind of stuff anymore. I don't sit and have drinks with men in my hotel room. I don't go out on dinner dates. I don't --" I was cut off by his hand grasping mine. It was warm and a lot more comforting that I'd hoped it'd be.

      I held my emotions back as best as I could. This wasn't going to be a big, devastating moment of sentiment where he'd take me into his arms and tell me everything was okay. Because it has been almost four years. I knew I was slowly but surely making it towards the "okay" mark. I didn't need to sob, because I had cried enough tears to fill the Atlantic. The simple hold of a hand was the only form of comfort I'd ever accept at this point, and I think he knew that.

     "Vera," he tried to muster up the words. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed. Do you mind me asking how?"

      "He had a heart problem he didn't know about," I replied, still grasping at my emotions with white knuckles.

      His light green eyes closed and when they opened up again just a second later, there was something different in them. That same look just about every other person who knew gave me. Eyes washed over with a mixture of pity, empathy, and hesitance. I couldn't bear it.

     "Oh god. Don't do that." I pulled my hand away from his.

      "Do you what?" He asked with genuine confusion plastered across his face.

       "Treat me like I'm a different person now," I said sharply. "You know, I totally forgot how early I have to be up for work. I should probably get to bed," I lied.

     His only response was a small nod before he left my hotel room, leaving my alone to wallow with everything I hated. London, an empty bottle of liquor, and myself.

     I was just about to head to sweet, comforting arms of my bed when the door swung open; and the events of my night changed drastically from here.

•••

Author's Note:
hey guys! Sorry for the long wait. Please vote and comment if you liked it. Now we see some more insight to josh. What do you think?