Shadow

CHAPTER FIVE - NEW MORNING

I got up out of bed and it was a new morning. I was hoping that June had forgotten about our little meeting last night, because I don’t think I could handle the confrontation.

I couldn’t get the image of the blade against her skin out of my head. I had to stop, it was driving me insane.

“June, you’ll be ok” I whispered, “I promise”

I thought I was quiet but I guess not.

“Who’s June?” Gemma said walking in unannounced.

I sighed and lightly screamed into my pillow, “Gemma go away!”

Gemma’s eyes widen “Gee, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed”

Gemma walked out slowly and like usual left my door wide open.

“DOOR!” I shouted down the hallway.

“Not my problem” her voice echoed back into my room.

I was always the same at home, it’s like I had never changed, but you can’t change for the ones you love, because they see right through you and they know exactly who you are.

Who you’re trying to be is just a shadow of who you are. You may look and walk the same, but you’re different, one is real, and one is an illusion. 

…

It was 8:45AM and I still hadn’t even tried getting ready for school, I guess I was lucky it was only five minutes down the road.

I quickly jumped in the shower, picked up whatever was on the floor and hoped I looked beautiful.

I had never gotten ready that fast for school ever. If I was ever that late, I would normally just stay home.

I was doing my make up while I walking outside the house, not looking where I was going. I had to be perfect. As I strutted down the street to my school I bumped into a skater and fell flat on the ground, butt first.

“Hey!” I yelled at him, with my newly found irritated confidence, “Watch where you’re going!”

“I’m so sorry” his raspy, yet delicate voice said to me.

I had never been this close to boy without them mocking me or calling me names. I was stunned. I couldn’t move. I had butterflies and I didn’t know what I was feeling.

I was probably freaking him out, because I couldn’t help but stare at him. He was so… different. He wasn’t the typical good looking boy you’d see in movies or read about in books, but he was something else.

“Hey, let me help you up” he lend me his hand.

I was now face to face with this beautiful stranger. I could feel a lump in my throat.

“What’s your name?”

He spoke again and I just felt like a pathetic teenager.

“Umm, I’m Elle”

“Nice, bumping into you Elle,” He half smile, “I’m Tyler.”

I quite liked that name. It suited him.

...

At school, I forced myself not to think about him.

I walked past June and she still had the same look on her face. She was emotionless. She looked up at me and a slight smile came to her face, but it vanished just as quickly. I was all she had and she didn’t even have me. I was now responsible for her life. I was involved, I couldn’t turn my back on her.

I shared the same look with her in class that day as well. All my happiness from the morning had just vanished. I just wanted to sit at the front with her, to show that she wasn’t alone, but if I did that my friends would abandon me.

‘But what kind of friends would do that to you?’ I thought to myself.

I guess I didn’t really have true friends. Because I know that deep down, your friends are supposed to be there for you no matter what you do. As long as you don’t hurt them, then it shouldn’t matter. True friends are there no matter how many mistakes you make, because we are human and we all make mistakes, we all do wrong and we learn from it.

How are you supposed to grow and change if you never learn?

But none of that mattered, because even if they weren’t true friends, they are my friends, they’re all I have. I decided I’d save myself the trouble and I’d leave June be. I mean what’s the worst that can happen?

“Elle?” Sapphire sighed “What’s wrong with you?”

I freaked out, what if they knew I saw June, what if they knew?

“Nothing” I shrugged

“You’ve had the same look on your face this entire time. You’re freaking us out.” Sapphire bluntly stated.

“Yeah” Ruby and Jade joined in.

I ignored them and laughed it off.

Another day of school done with and I still haven’t learnt a thing.

Well there is one thing, and that is school is pretty crap…

What’s so great about school?

I mean really, think about it, we are forced to go somewhere we don't want to go for thirteen years and you are forced to learn things that don't end up helping you in the future anyway. It's just time that is being wasted. Precious time, just gone. Forever.

I like learning about something’s, but when it comes up to things like learning about your insides and all that junk.

Who needs to know this? Doctors? Nurses? Scientists?.

I am none of those people. I will never be one. So it is pointless for me to learn about that. We should get a choice!

You can’t even learn anything if you’re surrounded by people who judge you just for being yourself. It's like being yourself isn't ok anymore and no one should be able to make you feel like that. I hate that feeling and it's really not ok!

But at school this happens all the time. Not everyone can be the popular pretty girl or the strong football player. Everyone is their own person and that is why it's not ok to judge people.

School should just be about education, but at the end of the day, that's not even half of it. The way you feel affects the way you work. You can’t learn anything when you’re sad or lonely or depressed or even scared. How are you supposed to learn when you’re in an environment that you don’t feel safe in?!

All my thoughts were swirling around in my head like a hurricane and I couldn’t stand for it anymore. I was going to explode! I had to keep reminding myself, that things will get better. I will be better. Everything will change.