Shadow

CHAPTER TWO - BEAUTIFUL

My name’s Elle Herring, I live with my parents and my big sister. We also have a dog.

I sound normal enough, right? Nothing out of the ordinary?

Well I wish.

I’m that kid in class that no one talks to. So there has to be something wrong with me, if no one even likes me.

I can’t remember when it all started, but all I do remember is being alone. You learn a lot about yourself when you are your only friend.

I remember coming home early from school one day to see my big sister sitting on the couch. She’s only my big sister by age. If you ask me, I’m the bigger sister.

Gemma is tiny. She works out like crazy and I hardly see her eating. It’s hard being the ugly sister, the one that no one really likes. I try to avoid her most times, just so I don’t have to think about that. I’d had to deal with feeling like this for sixteen years now, so I guess you could say I’m used to it.

Whenever I’m in the same room as her she makes a comment about my weight, my hair or my clothes. It’s like I can’t do anything right with her!

“What are you wearing Elle?” Gemma laughs at me. “You look like a sack of potatoes.”

I didn’t look up. I walked away, closed my bedroom door and her cruel laughter was gone, for now. As I said I’m used to it.

I liked my room; it was just like me; big and messed up. The music from my speakers filled the air and my worries seem to drain from me. It’s the only thing that makes me feel alive.

I could hear Gemma yelling at me to turn it off, but I didn’t move an inch. She was always yelling at me. I don’t know how she has energy to do anything else.

I was waiting for her to come in and turn it off herself, like she always would. Then I’d get a mouthful about how ‘she’s studying and she needs quite’.

When I know she’s just talking to her boyfriend on the phone or texting her millions of friends.

Right on queue Gemma walks in. But this time it was different. She looked calmer and she wasn’t angry. She turned it down to low and sat next to me on my bed.

“She probably wants something from me,” I thought to myself.

“Elle, I’m so sorry,” Gemma said light and softly.

This wasn’t right. This had to be a dream. Gemma lives to upset me. There was something off about this.

“I can help you feel better.”

I looked up at her with disbelief. Why would she want to help me?

“I can make you beautiful”

There it was. That word. The word that I have always and forever longed to be. Beautiful.

It was such a simple word which meant everything and nothing all at once.

I still had said nothing to Gemma. It was as if I was making a deal with the devil.

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Help me be beautiful”.

…

I stared at the meal in front of me and memorised it. I knew I’d be seeing it again later.

Mashed potatoes, roast beef, gravy and vegetables.

It used to be my favourite meal. When I actually enjoyed my meals.

It didn’t take long for me to finish eating. I wanted to get it over and done with. After I cleaned my plate, I left the table.

“Did you want desert sweetie?” My mum cheerfully asked.

She really meant. ‘We’re having desert and you better eat it because I spent all afternoon cooking it.’

My mum was always so happy. She was beautiful, so I guess that was expected.

She was the typical housewife, she cooked and cleaned. She did this by choice. She loved it. I want to be just like my mum, happy with who I am.

“Of course” I reluctantly replied.

“I wouldn’t if I were you!” Gemma laughed from the other room.

So I didn’t. I left and walked off to my room.

I was just waiting for her to but in. There was always something she could say in every situation. It was all about Gemma. All the time.

I thought she would be nicer to me once she helped me. Obviously that was a one off.

Beautiful wasn’t even close to what she told me to do. I didn’t feel beautiful afterwards either. I am never going to be beautiful.

“I do this all the time” I remember her reassuring me. “If you keep doing it, it’ll work and you’ll almost be as pretty as me”

When I look in the mirror, I don’t see any resemblance to any one in my family. They’re all pretty. Every single one of them. Even my dad is prettier than me. Where do I fit in? I’m a mistake. Why am I even here?

I was in my room alone with my music playing as always. It made the dark world seem brighter. This was my escape from pain.

It was getting late and I needed to get some sleep.

I went to the bathroom and knelt down. Took my fingers to my mouth and then I saw it.

Mashed potatoes, roast beef, gravy and vegetables.