Maybe If I Just Wait

*Introduction*

This person....... hah
It's weird actually how it all started and went down. Let's just say, this person, is very special to me you know? Like every time I see them or have any form of interaction with them my belly does a summersault and... my heart does a little backflip. It's a very pleasant feeling, Yes it is... well until your mind starts to take over and your anxiety begins to make you overthink things therefore leading you into a state of..... well how do I put it? I can't really describe it because there's so many emotions combined into one that it's hard to decipher.

But I Guess it's like mainly... Confusion.

You see all these emotions hit you all at once that it basically becomes a fucking rollercoaster. Jealousy, anger, impatience, sadness, happiness, and lots of other emotions that I can name but won't because it will only make this longer. Yea all of them hit you at once and it's confusing....like really. And I hate it but I also love it and don't want to get rid of it for some reason...and I don't know why.. but i don't really care at the moment.

You may be wondering who I am or who this person I am talking about is and why I'm speaking about them so passionately. Well let me start from introducing myself and we'll go on from there. From where it all began until now... the present.

Well my name is Alosia.

I am 15 years old, in the 9th grade, and I'm quite the unique person...for a few reasons. You see based on other peoples perspectives and social norms I'm not...normal. My personality is very.... well I guess you could say rare. Well that's what a good friend of mine likes to call it. As he says Normal girls, equals thots, aren't fun, want unrealistic expectations, and a lot of bitching. But idk I just see myself as Me, Alosia.

Being silly and bantering a lot is what I do most of the time and its what I show out to the world, however, on the other hand there's this other hidden area of myself that enjoys really deep conversations. For example talking about societal problems, ones emotions, problems and etc. Its very interesting in fact. Realizing how much you can connect with a person just by being comfortable enough with each other to openly and confidently express your emotions with each other without being judged or criticized. Its very therapeutic....Well at least to me it is.

Also another part of me is stubborn

Stubborn when it comes to emotions and feelings. Well let me specify for you. Stubborn when it comes to.......Catching feelings.

This is another thing that I guess could say makes me unique and "rare". Unlike most girls or people I have set morals for myself that I live and go by everyday. These morals I created in order to keep me collected and in control of what goes on in my life. And therefore plays a major role in me liking people, relationships, crushes, and..... feelings in general.

So as I said earlier I'm stubborn. Stubborn with my feelings yet hesitant. I wont just fall for anyone easily. Yes, I may find someone attractive or good looking but that doesn't put me at a position to like them. You know what I mean? Like its not right to just like someone or have "feelings" for someone just because they're cute or whatever. To me it just seems like what you have is big infatuation for the person and what you may be feeling isn't really what you think it is. Its a like blind obsession... you start to fabricate this idea that they're perfect when you don't really see what's actually there in reality.

I don't know if I'm making any sense of myself or what I'm trying to explain here but if you do understand then just know I highly appreciate you. HAHA