Lights Out

THREE

It's not too far off from his reach, and Jongdae just needs to stretch his arm out a little further to grab it. There are far fewer papers in this one folder compared to all the rest that Jongdae's seen around Baekhyun, typically all thick and bloated with sharp paper edges jutting out of the pile. There isn't a single doodle on its' surface, none of the suns that Baekhyun likes to draw, nor the anime-eyed corgi and cat characters that Jongdae had come to realize a long time ago was a representation of him and Baekhyun; none of the things that would've made this folder Baekhyun's.

Maybe it isn't Baekhyun's. He shrugs, though he doesn't see any name written on the folder. Jongdae takes the first paper out, and what he'd originally assumed to be a typed-out study note turns out to be some sort of handwritten message in black ink - And all in all, Jongdae's face pales as his blood turns cold.

'I'm going to die soon. I'm obviously going to die soon. Maybe they'll kill me. Maybe I'll kill myself. But I know I am going to die soon. I may be dead by the time someone's either found or read this. Or maybe, I'd be taken captive. And killed. Like my mother had been.'

Needless to say, Jongdae's hands have never trembled as much.

'The signs are all there. They're closer than ever to me. It's crazy. They tell me all the time of just how much good I'd do the world if I'd just give them the genes they wanted. They've been telling me over and over again. They know everything I'm doing. They're mocking me. I have to do as they say. But at the same time, I can't. I don't have the heart to. It's too cruel. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I can't tell the police. They're watching me. They'll know. They're all around me. I have to do it.'

.

Office hours are over. Today's work is done. There's no one else to see, no one else he has to meet, no one else he must talk to, but as free as he is for at least - the rest of the night, Minseok still finds himself as troubled as ever. The tip of his finger hovers in reluctance over an audio file on his phone. He purses his lips before he presses it, shifts the timing somewhere to the middle of the recording.

'-months before this.'

Minseok backtracks the recording to a few seconds back.

'When did you started hearing these commands? The threats?'

'I can't pinpoint exactly. June... July... Eight, seven months before this. Around that time.'

'That's a long period of time.'

'Everyday felt like my last. I hoped everyday would be my last.'

'When they first talked to you, what did you think about it?'

'I thought it was just my imagination at first so I ignored them. After that, I started to try running away from them. But they were insistent, they were everywhere. They were onto me.'

'And you didn't tell anyone about it.'

'That's dangerous.'

'Oh?'

'The lesser the people that know, the better. Plus, they wouldn't understand. Even you think I'm crazy now.'

'You really need to get used to not using that word.'

'But it's true.'

'No, it really isn't-'

'Moving on.'

Minseok remembered wincing internally at the dismissiveness in Baekhyun's tone.

'Okay, if you say so. So, did you do as you were commanded to do?'

'I had to. They would've killed me otherwise.'

'To what extent did you obey them?'

An uncomfortable silence in this part.

'Baekhyun?'

His own voice resounds through the speakers after another quiet few seconds; 'Alright, we'll get to that point on another day.' Minseok stops the audio at that moment, exits the recording app in the next. He sighs to himself, his stomach twisting in uneasiness when he recalls Baekhyun's unsettling lack of response.

He prays fervently for it to just be a case of distrust; just Baekhyun not seeing enough reasons to trust the doctor yet. Either that, or Baekhyun's head had simply morphed a small misdeed he'd previously done in the name of whatever he's hallucinated into some sort of horrifying, murderous image that he'd rather keep a secret from his psychiatrist. It isn't uncommon.

His palms clasped together, fingers intertwined with each other. Minseok rests his elbows on his desk as he leans his forehead against his connected hands, eyes shut tight. "Please, let it be nothing more than that," his prayer comes out quiet - as a whisper.

(Maybe Minseok should've prayed for some strength instead.)

.

Junmyeon returns home, 11.30PM sharp, a little later after three hours. He opens the door to a dark living room, curtains still undrawn. Nothing's changed, but as Junmyeon listens closely, he hears a faint sob by the lit corridors. Eyebrows furrowed, Junmyeon rushes further in with hurried steps towards the source of the sound. He walks by Jongdae's bedroom, barely notices how everything inside remains untouched.

Baekhyun's door is closed as he'd left it earlier before he went back to work, and the cries are louder than ever behind the wooden material now that he's closer. Junmyeon twists the doorknob and opens the door slowly - and his heart drops when he sees Jongdae's hunched up figure on Baekhyun's floor, his back against the bed. His head is buried in his knees, a hand gripping onto sheets of papers - nails digging into its' material. Though muffled, Jongdae's cries are loud, heart-breaking, and Junmyeon regrets the very moment he had stepped out of the house with his own false self-reassurance three hours ago.

"Jongdae," Junmyeon approaches the younger boy.

"Hyung," Jongdae croaks, voice broken and pained, "Why didn't I fucking notice? They were - all there, the signs, how he withdrew from me... all the, worrying, all the worries he had for me - When he stopped talking, when he stopped, why didn't I -Why didn't I see anything? Why - What, Baekhyun..."

"It's not your fault."

"I could've noticed! But I didn't - He could've, he might've - Everything, Baekhyun could've been-"

Baekhyun could've been gone. Junmyeon lets it go unsaid when Jongdae chokes on his own sobs and cries out harder, burrowing himself into Junmyeon's open arms and careful embrace.

-

A/N: If you notice anywhere that I may be using misconceptions/wrong facts about schizophrenia, then do inform me about it. I fear that I may miss things that I'm supposed to take note of while writing. By writing this, I'm also trying to learn more about schizophrenia, and I don't want myself to be mistakenly convinced and misinformed yee. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Forgive me for any mistakes because this was somewhat unedited still ;-;