Where Baekhyun tells the story of how he slowly began to lose himself, and Jongdae listens beside him, Baekhyun's hand always held tightly within his, and fingers intertwined.
[Be mindful of the trigger warnings.]
cover credits to @yihxing, with muc...
TW: Contains graphic depictions of a panic attack, psychosis episode. Possibly disturbing imagery. Check my message board for more details.
-
ONE [WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT GO UNDER]
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Air tense, silence deafening; shadows heavy - Jongdae almost suffocates, drowns in the sheer depth of the overwhelming gloom. Dr. Kim eyes him briefly, looks almost interested, though Jongdae doesn't understand about what. Nothing is flowing, nothing makes sense, and Jongdae simply doesn't know what to think. The recording has stopped playing since - But he hears the voices resound in his head, Baekhyun's words heard over and over again.
'You're after me too, aren't you? You're trying to find out just how much I know about you guys.'
'Liar! Liar! Liar!'
His expression scrunches, the corner of his lips twitch upwards bitterly; "It was that bad?"
Dr. Kim sighs, "We wouldn't have force-institutionalized him had it not been this severe. He's at the point where he's highly likely to inflict harm on himself, and other-"
"Baekhyun would never harm anyone," Jongdae snaps, voice low and ominous. He lets out a breath through gritted teeth, his hand balls into a tighter fist.
"This isn't some drama or anime where the villain hears a familiar voice and immediately feels the light shine on him," Dr. Kim, fortunately, manages his calm. "It's not as easy as it looks or sounds. Baekhyun's got a broken filter in his head, Kim Jongdae. He sees to things differently than we do," brokenly, Dr. Kim wants to add.
Jongdae's gaze drops. The psychiatrist notices the way his lips quiver, the way the younger man struggles to keep a teary frown at bay. "But he'd been alright before this," Jongdae murmurs.
"Before this? Define before this for me, Jongdae... What time period are we talking about? Seven, eight months ago?"
Jongdae doesn't want to say that he knew things had been off with Baekhyun for a few months now, wants to avoid the fact that he's seen Baekhyun trembling alone in his room for persistent amount of times. Unconsciously, the memories where Baekhyun seemed 'alright' had simply began to feel as if they were just yesterday, as if they were recent events - but it's all just Jongdae turning a blind eye to himself knowing the fact that he hadn't notice sooner, whatever was wrong with Baekhyun - that he could've noticed earlier.
Gosh. What the fuck have you been doing all this time instead, Kim Jongdae?
Dr. Kim fixates his gaze onto Jongdae's expressions and is able to observe nothing else but the guilt on his face, because Jongdae's heart is so, so, so much in pain -reality and all that's going on weighs down mercilessly over his shoulders and Jongdae really doesn't think he can take it, much less bear and survive the weight until it ends; And for fucks' sake, he feels his knees shaking already. Why, why, why didn't I notice earlier? Why? It should've been obvious - Why couldn't I notice earlier? Just how fucking dumb was I?
