Counterpoint

Chapter 61

   "Anxious is definitely a word for it." I rub the back of my neck before dropping it back down to my side. A knot of anxiety and dread begins to form in my stomach as the thought of returning to Monticello crosses my mind. 

   "Hey, are you alright?" Alexander's voice softens slightly as he lifts his head from his palm. "You look like you are about to be sick."

   "I'm alright." I mutter in response after a brief moment of hesitation. 

   "What is going on?" He pushes, a faintly exasperated note tinting his voice. "Don't bother trying to tell me that it's nothing. Your expression proves that there is something big bothering you." I sigh as the accuracy of his words knocks me over, falling back on my bed as I keep the phone suspended over me. "What's going on Thomas?"

   "Alex, I really don't want to talk about this." 

   "I understand, but you need to." 

   "Alexander stop pushing." I reply sternly, my grip on my emotions beginning to slip away. 

   "You are acting like me." He grumbles. 

   "What in the hell are you talking about?"

   "You have something that is bothering you and instead of talking about it you are allowing it to have power over you. It's eating you alive. I know how it feels." My vision grows blurry as my eyes begin to tear up. "Thomas." He murmurs softly, tenderly. 

   "She died there Alexander." My voice cracks as I pitifully squeak out the words. "I can't be in that house without remembering." 

   "There is nothing wrong with remembering." 

   "Alex...I can't." Silver tracks streak across my cheeks as my breathing becomes slightly ragged. "It's too much." I stare at the wall beside me as my heart tries to beat its way out of my chest. 

   "Thomas, shh." He replies softly. "Look at me." 

   "I can't." I murmur.

   "Thomas, look at me, please." He persists sweetly. My eyes close as I struggle to even my breathing. "Take your time." It takes me a minute to get a little bit of a grip on my breathing, enough so that I can bear to look at Alexander. He is holding on to both sides of the computer screen as he looks at me, his smile is gentle and I feel my heart falter slightly at the sight of it. 

   "I'm sorry." I mutter as I try to wipe away my tears as my skin heats up in embarrassment. 

   "There is nothing to apologize for." I rub my hand over my face harshly, wiping away the final remnants of the tears. "You have every right to cry." 

   "I should have called." 

   "I'm talking to you now." He replies simply. "That's enough for me." 

   "I miss you." I sniffle. 

   "I miss you too." 

    "Please tell me you aren't just saying that to make me feel better." 

   "Don't be greedy." He chides and I can't help but laugh quietly. "I do miss you and it kills me to see you crying like this. Thomas, if it upsets you so much you don't have to go back to that house." 

   "I know, but I feel obligated to my family to be there." 

   "Thomas, they will understand." 

   "You understanding is all I need right now." I mumble. "I want to be there with you." He frowns at my words slightly as he pulls the computer close and the camera is covered in shadow. "What are you doing?"

   "Trying to give you a hug, so shut up and appreciate the effort." he huffs in embarrassment. I smile as I place the phone on my chest and push it into my heart with both of my hands, cherishing the small warmth the screen emits, pretending that it is Alexander's hand on my heart. 

   "Thank you." I whisper, lifting the phone and kissing the camera quickly. Alex looks away with a faint pink glow on his cheeks. 

   "I'm not kissing the fucking camera." He grumbles. 

   "Fair enough." I chuckle. "I love you." 

   "I love you too, remember that I am literally going to be in your pocket so if you ever need me you know where to find me." He smiles brightly. I wish he really were in my pocket, this would be so much easier if I had him so close and could bank on his bottomless reservoir of strength. 

   "I'll take you up on that." 

   "I would be disappointed if you didn't."