Different

Different but the Same

My name? Oh ye, I forgot, my names Noah Choi, I'm Korean-American, both parents Korean but I've been raised in America, California.

I'd say I was about 14 when I began to notice these "changes" in myself, I found myself not finding interest in girls, I thought maybe it was a phase, but little did I know it was a only a short while before I actually understood the reason.

I moved back to Korea in 2016 and started school. I was a 9th grader (15-16 years old). I made friends quick; I got close with one boy specifically. He asked me if I was interested in girls, very randomly but I chalked it up to me always avoiding them and him finding it odd, but I asked him why he wanted to know so could confirm my thoughts. Then he told me he was gay, at this time I still hadn't figured out that I was gay at this point, let alone a "label" existed for me, but I did find myself losing more interest in girls and gaining more interest in boys, I just kept asking myself though.

am I really gay?

His name was Theo, he'd been born in Britain but he moved back to Korea earlier than me. Hence why we became friends and connected quicker. We had something in common.

"Theo?" I whispered, "how did you know you were gay?", he looked at me and smiled, "do you have any romantic thoughts of girls?" I shook my head, being the only response I could think of, when all he said was "then you're gay", he looked at me with a big smile and that's when I finally let it sink in;

Maybe I could be??

2 months had gone by, I found myself falling for Theo more and more. The small things he did reeled me in deeper, I just wanted him, is that bad?

It was February 14th 2017, I built the courage to confess to Theo today, that decision was made last week, and there was no going back because right now I'm stood in front of him and it was time to tell him, and I've never been so nervous or scared in my life, I began to hope and beg god that he accepts me. But will he say yes or no?

Lunch that day.

We sat in silence, not too odd since we were both invested in our food, but it seemed quieter than usual. You could say it was too quiet. I looked up at him, only to find tears falling from his eyes and into his food. I froze for a second, and then reality hit and I focused again. "Hey, Theo? Can we speak somewhere?" He looked up and smiled, trying his best to act okay, only to fail miserably "Yeah, I guess there's no hiding it from you." Hiding what?

We made it to the roof top. First just sitting there, quiet like before, but less awkward. I turn to him and without thinking blurted it out "I like you". I mentally slapped myself, thinking "Why. Did. You. Do. That?". I covered my mouth, thinking I more than likely eff'd up, but to my surprise I was met with a tight hug and a whimper. I hugged him back, and we just held each other. "Noah?" I pulled away and looked at him, "I'm glad you said it". I was shocked "You knew?!", he looked at me and smiled, "No silly, I wanted to tell you but I had no courage to do so, so I'm happy you said it first". I felt a surge of relief in my body. I am so glad it happened this way.