Cross My Heart

Chapter 5

I sigh. Dammit, forgot my mother is a better reader than I am.

"Her name is Bella... you'd like her. She's beautiful and very stubborn and... she has a smart mouth. I guess she kind of knows how to put me in my place and I in hers."

"And do you like her?"

I nod.

"So what's the problem?"

"That is the problem. I don't have time to go on dates and strolls through the park and fall in love with her. I have to focus on you two. My priorities cannot be compromised, not matter how much I like this girl."

Ma sighs this time. "Do you want me to tell you what I believe?"

"Am I gonna like it?"

"Nope."

I groan. "Shoot."

"Edward, you are a wonderful father. I'm not saying this because you are my son, I'm saying this as a woman who's son was fathered by the worst man ever. Seeing you with Emma is how I would have loved to see your father with you. Your whole world revolves around this little girl." She hugs Emma. "She's your world as much as you are hers. You're devoted to her and I love that... but by being so devoted to her, you have stopped caring about yourself. Ever since Tanya left, you have not allowed another woman in. You have placed your happiness last and ours first. It's time you do something that makes you happy. Devote to yourself just as much as you are devoted to us. Emma and I will be fine. Emma will be fine and I think the one thing she wants is for her Daddy to be happy."

I look down at Emma, her little head is poking in on the right corner, trying to get a better look at me. Yes, ever since Tanya left I have devoted myself to my daughter but that's because I don't want to involve someone who will end up not loving her the way I do. Is that so wrong? As soon as the doctors told us that the possibility for Emma to hear was very minimal, along side other health problems that she had ever since she was born, she bolted. Tanya packed her bags and left, claiming that she couldn't do it, that it was too much for her. She left me with a six month old baby to fend for ourselves without looking back. If it weren't for my mother, who knows where we'd be.

To add to that fact, society has changed and not for the best. I've seen how women are nowadays. They don't want a man with a child, especially if that child needs extra care and attention. I will no submit my daughter to that kind of rejection. Not to the kind I was submitted to.

However, Bella doesn't strike me as the kind who would reject a child. She works at a nursing home, for crying out loud. She loves to take care of people... but if it came down to it, would she accept Emma? Because I don't know if I could accept her if she can't accept my daughter.

"Ma... even if... even if I gave it a try, it wouldn't work. What will happen when the truth comes out, when she finds out I did nothing but lie to her, that she doesn't really know me because for starters my real name isn't Silas Stevens. If I get too involved, it'll cause more damage than good."

"Are you lying on purpose?"

"... No."

"You said she's stubborn, is she unreasonable?"

"No."

She's more than reasonable, but strong headed. Once she sets her mind on something, she won't give up.

"Then I believe that when the time comes, you two will have a long conversation about yourselves. But don't dismiss this opportunity, baby. If you really like this girl, grab on with both hands and don't let go. I don't want to see you alone anymore."