2.3K 91 55

Bonjour bitches, let me tell you all a story about a show I used to love as a kid, a show called The Wigglytons.

There was a show I used to love that only aired in 2011 and the show was called The Wigglytons. There was four characters, Auto, Austin, Jeff, and John. John was the cameraman that made an appearance every now and then. Now let me explain this show. It was about this band that Auto, Austin, and Jeff were in called Milkslides. They would go around America and sing their songs. Their songs included:

Dumb 4 U
Take Me To The Park
I Was On Your Back Porch Cuz I Hate You
European History
Alaska (Don't Wake Up or I'll Fucking Smack You)
I'm A Natural Pink
Grape Mountain

It was advertised as a kids show, but what went on made me believe it was for adult audiences. My rebel ass decided to watch it anyways because I thought I would be cool to watch a show meant for grown ups. I remember five episodes.

Jet Talk, Natural Light, Packed, Triple Dog Dare, and Enjoyment.

Let me explain some of the episodes.

The first episode that ever aired (and the least scary):

The entire episode was tinted silver and took place under a porch. I don't know why they decided to pick a place with such horrible lighting and small space, but I guess John thought they would get the perfect shot. Auto had these drumsticks that were these fantastic floating bones. These fantastic floating bones did all the drumming for him meaning all he had to do was hit the kick drum.

Jeff was the trick master. He would do a split and continue to roll around the pit with his guitar in hand as he shredded to the sixth dimension.

Austin had the most pasty hair I've ever fucking witnessed, but I loved him anyways. He would sing into the microphone till every person in the crowd had heard the same song over and over again.

The entire episode was slowly zooming in on each of their faces and allowed them to become more and more distorted as they continued.

The songs got louder and scratchy as everything began going into a colorful mess and cut off to leave us for the next season.

Also Awsten and Travis mentioned that I didn't put Natural Light or Packed. I tried to write them but Natural light just turned into a huge I'm A Natural Blue and Packed turned into a Pink sponsorship so I said fuck it :)

Triple Dog Dare:

Triple Dog Dare was my favorite episode. Austin had dyed his hair orange now and began to be the flyest bitch we done ever met.

The episode took place on a mountain of grapes and it also revealed their biggest secret. Every member of Milkslides were brothers. They were brothers that wrote about their breakups and troubles and we were fucking sick of hearing about it so they stopped fucking writing about it, or did they?

Austin Night hit us with a beautiful single called Dumb 4 U aka the new theme song of the episode and everybody loved it.

People got on their hazmat suits and began dancing around like the slidebois. Auto's fantastic floating bones became real drumsticks and he had to learn to drum before the Conceived In The USA tour with Church, Nap On Something, and Deal With It.

The brothers seemed fine and happy just like Great Chocolate. The greatest band of all time, but were they really fine and happy?


Enjoyment, the final episode aka the saddest one and the one that made me believe it was an adult show. There might be more episodes, but nobody has yet to figure it out.

In this episode Austin's hair was yellow, and to no surprise Jeff still had the same fucking guitar. Auto, however, wasn't going to be worried about for the rest of the episode.

The first thirty seconds of the episode was Jeff and Austin attempting to execute Auto. Jeff took his guitar and shoved it up Auto's ass, using him as a puppet. The neck of the guitar was in the back of Auto's throat as they threw him backstage where fans attempted to devour him like hungry vultures.

Auto thankfully lived and they were able to get a photo of him in this tragic event after he was brought to the hospital.


I forget what the original photo was so here's that

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

I forget what the original photo was so here's that

The photo was flashed on screen before it went black and said 'RIP AUTO'. The grave has fairy lights draped over it, but Austin took them to go sit on the crusty dusty Boston sidewalks like a fool and played his life.

Jeff went on to miss his guitar so he went to the hospital and ripped it out of Auto's ass. The sudden action jolted Auto awake and Milkslides was back in business to become an even better band with a fourth member.

They went on to be Huge Clock Hurry with the fourth memeber being Muppet Lookin Headass.

(Huge Clock Hurry is Big Time Rush and Muppet Lookin Headass is me)

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

(Huge Clock Hurry is Big Time Rush and Muppet Lookin Headass is me)

The WigglytonsWhere stories live. Discover now