[AWFUL THINGS SEQUEL] "You were right, we are pretty screwed up." "Ah, but remember-I did say we were in this together." After Gus left for touring, Evelyn did as he asked and moved into his apartment. With unresolved issues at the back of everyone'...
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"Runnin' away from you takes time and pain, and I don't even want to. So I'm gettin' high all week without you, popping pills, thinking about you." _________
EVELYN's POV
"C'mon Evelyn! We can't have Christmas without a tree, what kind of Grinch are you?" Sarah insisted gleefully. We're debating on getting a Christmas tree, what size, what color and I told her I didn't even care if we got one at all.
"I'm the kind of Grinch who's working so much that I won't even notice if there's a tree to begin with." I spoke with a shrug.
"Ever since Gus left you've been such a stick in the mud." I nodded in agreement, knowing she was telling the truth.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to take it out on you. I didn't realize how much it would affect me with him being gone," I paused "but if we do get a tree, it should be standard size and classic green. We can go shopping for decorations after I get out of work tomorrow, I guarantee Gus doesn't have any laying around here."
"You don't think your parents would have some cool decorated ones they could spare?" I shook my head.
"They don't really do that."
After my conversation with Sarah, I made myself a cup of tea and retired to Gus's bedroom. Oh, I forgot to mention, he asked me to move in with him. Well, not really to move in with him, but he offered that I stayed at his house while he was away. I didn't want to accept because being alone really frightened me especially if I was going to be constantly reminded him of everywhere I looked, but he said Sarah could come with me so her and I excitedly moved our stuff in within the next day.
After my graduation and dropping Gus off at the airport, it felt like a little piece of my soul left with him. I wasn't sure where to start, where to even begin picking up the pieces on what should have been the beginning of my new life. Instead, for the first two months, I lied. Constantly and effortlessly, I lied straight to Gus's face about my progress in my job, schooling and any advancements in life.
I'd told him I had began my college classes already, (which I didn't start until last week officially) I was being promoted to one of my parents bigger exhibits here in California (which was a lie, I'm borderline getting fired so I picked up a job at the coffee shop closest to Peep's place part time as a back up) and overall just tried to keep a smile on my face. Every time he would ask me what's wrong, I told him I was just tired from the long day's I was having in regards to my whole new life.
I don't know why I did this, because in reality it kind of puts me into a snowball effect of lies. And if I lied about these things, what else could I have lied about? I mean, aside from having Sarah's word, Peep can't know for sure that I have done literally anything I said I was going to do. I'm disappointed in myself, mainly because I promised everyone I wouldn't let myself fade into the background or let go of my life just because he wasn't around.
The sad part is that I think it's been a withdrawal period. I knew what life was like before him, which scared me because I knew I wouldn't be going back to that. I'd be adjusting to a loss from my everyday routine. From the good morning/goodnight texts, the dates, or the actual nights we spend together to absolutely nothing. Maybe a video chat every once and a while, maybe a phone call twice a week. Other than that, just spotty texting here and there that seemed really disinterested.
I worry if he will find someone better, although I know what we've been through together. I know we're engaged and getting married, it's just not the same right now and that's what bothers me.
Scrunched up face in a picture book Feet don't reach the bathroom floor Photos flying through the air Neighbors tree needs me to climb This what I am, this is what I am Crayon sun hung on the fence
I laid in my bed and stared out the window, listening to my music play on my phone. Having such a big bed is so lonely when you're all by yourself.
Someone laughs at my shoes on wrong This is what I am, this is what I am
Tears gently streamed down my face as I hugged a pillow tight to my chest. It still smelled like Gus even though he's been gone for what seems like forever. I inhaled deeply to try and get some form of comfort, to heal my cracked heart. I wish I would get a call from him, but I know better than to bother him at this time.
Finger pointed at the moon Little scare and the thunder boom Counting cars from my screen door
I turned my music up louder so Sarah couldn't hear my deep, uncontrolled sobs from the next room. I do this often, more often than I'd like to admit. I mean, it's kind of embarrassing considering I know he's okay and safe but I just feel like he's missing. Missing from my heart.
Reaching out for a hand to hold This is what I am, this is what I am Crayon sun on all the pants
Eventually the sobs stopped as I slowly drifted into a deep sleep. The same reoccurring dream happened, the whale, Gus and every night I have to keep myself from just giving in and letting the ocean take me.
Someone lacing my shoes up wrong This is what I am, this is what I am
_________
Oh my god! Here it is, the first chapter. I know it's kinda crazy considering you guys probably never thought it would come but surprise surprise. Let me know how you guys feel in the comments.
