4 O'Clock

Part 1

Namjoon's POV
Sitting at the edge of the platform on top of my suitcase, I thought over the previous week. It all went so fast, the work I did taking up the vast majority. To be honest, it didn't feel like a break to me. It just felt like any other boring week except this time I didn't get to go out; this time I didn't get to see him.

Actually, if I were to say that it would be untrue. I saw him once when I was going for a walk in the forests by where I live. It was a cool that night but warm enough that I didn't need a coat, I only picked up a pen and my notebook and set off on my way. When I was on my walk, I came across an old table, a couple of benches accompanying it. I don't know why, but to me it felt magical. That very table was covered with beautiful green vines, which had reclaimed it as theirs, bringing it into nature. There were flowers surrounding it in a circle, as if planted there on purpose and trees enclosing it. A private study, in the middle of nature...

I sat down and decided to write something, because just like anyone, I have my ways of relaxing and de-stressing. I write to the moon. That sounds a bit strange but it helps more than anyone could have told me. My feelings just pour out onto the page. Normally, I only write a paragraph or two at most. Yet that day, I wrote a long, long letter. My thoughts flowed out just like the water flowing down the river I saw earlier that night. I could hear it while I was writing along with the invisible wind and the shuffling of amber leaves that accompanied it.

By the time midnight came, I was laying down on the moss covered bench looking up at the stars. They're beautiful - twinkling and dazzling at me just like beacons of hope for all of the lost souls in the world - just like the moon, which has helped me a lot throughout my life so far. If a man can make it to the moon, I can accomplish my dreams... Well, if I had any.

I got so lost in thought, I didn't even see the handsome man sit down on the opposite side of the table until his long sigh pulled me out of the stars trance. Due to it being pitch black, he didn't see me and still doesn't know that I was there that night. Unlike me, he speaks to the moon. He's not afraid to speak about his feelings or conceal them. He let them out one after the other, in a voice as soft as the clouds themselves.

"I'm scared... What do I do if I don't achieve anymore? What do I do if I let everyone down again? I can't do that. Ever since, I've been alone. It's not like I've tried to isolate myself, it's just what's resulted of this. I never realised that in a room full of people - people who are you family, who are your friends - could feel so... empty. So lonely. I wish someone could tell me it's going to be okay. I want someone to encourage me for once, not compare me. Someone to finally love me for me"

He went on for a while longer talking about how his family felt even more distant than before, how his brother was favoured over him. The comparisons between the two. He wanted to be a chef, while his brother someone professional, successful and rich. He asked the moon:
"Why should I want to be rich? What if I just want... happiness?"

With that final question, there was a short silence until I heard a shuffle and presumed he lay down to sleep. After I was sure he fell asleep, I got up and walked away, trying not to make a sound. I never realised that he was struggling so much. The boy who always smiled, the one who always made sure everyone was okay whenever he could, even if they just weren't smiling. I wanted to be the someone, the someone who would love him for who he is.

There I was a week later, waiting for the train. Waiting for it to take me back to school. Waiting to see Jin. I want him to be my moon.