Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 9

"How blue could I get? You could ask my heart. But it's like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart. A million words couldn't say just how I feel. A million years from now you know, I'll be loving you still." She comes over and stands next to me, giving me a look. Without thinking, I wrap one arm around her and pull her closer to my side. She smiles at me. 

"The nights are lonely the days are so sad and, I just keep thinking about the love that we had. I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me." We finish the song, and the crowd cheers. Faith waves out to the crowd and smiles back at me. I kind of forgot she was mad at me to begin with.

We walk off stage together and get unwired. I start to walk back to my dressing room, but Faith intercepts me. 

"Hey," she says. "we need to talk." 

"Yeah," I start. "we do." She grabs my hand and drags me through the backstage area, and outside to a mainstreet coffee shop. It's surprisingly open. She orders herself a coffee. 

"You want anything?" She asks. 

"Nah, I'm fine." I decline. She gets her coffee and heads back to a couch in the back corner. I follow. She sits down and pats beside her. I guess things can't be that bad... 

"Alright... you have one more chance to explain." She says. 

"Okay." I say, contemplating what to say. "I had a panic attack." 

"That's it?"

"No..." I say. I don't want to go into detail with the whole Jana thing. I mean, it's not like Faith and I are going to reach that level again. But something compels me to tell her, and to come clean about everything.

"Okay?"

"The girl who died in the wreck that I caused, we were close. I mean, I wanted to marry her and grow old with her. We knew eachother since elementary school, you know? However, the feeling developed over a long amount of time. With you, on the other hand.... We had only known eachother for two days when I began to feel that way. You opened up to me, which I knew took a lot for you to do... and the feelings between both of us were... serious. I mean, I was already to the point where I would give my life to save yours within a week. But that night... I just..." I start... "I woke up, and I couldn't breathe. I just kept seeing you in the car instead of Jana. I just kept thinking I was going to hurt or kill you. So, I convinced myself to leave mid-panic attack. I wrote a note for you, and I headed out without a trace."

"So, why didn't you come to me?" She says, sounding almost hurt.

"I left you without talking to you, because I figured you wouldn't understand. It was a really dumb decision, Faith." I say, trying to make sure she knows I regret it. 

"Alright." 

"That's It?" I say, surprised she's done.

"Yep." She says. "You seem sorry." She looks down at her coffee cup. 

"Faith," I start. 

"Yeah?"

"You know, you're going to make some lucky guy very happy." I say, giving her a little nudge. She laughs. 

"I doubt that." She says, smiling again. 

"How come?"

"I kinda swore off love. For now at least." She says. 

"Why?" 

"Scott."

"Oh..." I say. I feel bad, because I pretty much forgot about him completely. "You couldn't do anything to change that, Faith." 

"I know, I just don't have that great of luck with love." She says. 

"Elaborate." I demand. 

"Well after Scott died and you left me in the middle of the night, the next serious relationship cheated on me for four months. Then the guy after that hit me.... So yeah, not very good luck." She says. I'm alarmed. 

"Who hit you?" I start to get angry. God, I hate men who do that. 

"Dan. We were married, actually. He just would get drunk and rowdy. I knew when to leave." 

"God, Faith..." 

"Tim, chill out, alright? It wasn't a big deal. It was just one time." She blows it off. 

"Dan who?" I dig

"Hill. Hence the stage name." She rolls her eyes and takes a drink from her coffee cup

"Why didn't you change it?" I ask

"Because that's the name my contract is under. What are you going to do about it?" She smiles. 

"Beat the shit out of him." I threaten. 

"He would tank your career in no time, honey. That's why I got a quiet little divorce." 

"What do you mean?" I ask. 

"He's a big shot publishing exec." She says, smiling. "He would destroy you." I put my hands up. 

"I guess I'll just have to deal."

"Why do you always get so protective of people?" She asks. 

"Just, bad experiences." 

"Elaborate." She mocks. 

"Okay," I start. "When I was younger, my step-dad would abuse the hell out of me and my mother. I hated hearing her pain, so I would always throw myself in the line of fire. He was an alcoholic, and it would just fuel his rage." I say. Faith nods and bites her lip. 

"That makes sense." She says. We sit in silence for a minute until she speaks up again. "I kind of hopped from foster home to foster home when I was a kid. It sucked. When I got adopted, they would always give me back because they didn't want me. It was like hot potato..." She admits. 

"I can't imagine going through that." I say. 

"Yeah, well I can. I know one thing for sure now, I'm never ever giving up one of my kids." She says, looking at the coffee table in front of us. 

"Agreed." I say. She flashes a smile at me, as forgiveness starts to settle.