When You Were Never Mine

Thawed Out

Jealousy was a strange beast, one that comes from the shadows and when least expected, clouding your rational thought when you knew the truth beyond it. You knew that Nat and Tony were friends, and they had been for a long time, and that there was never a hint of anything more; they fought like siblings and had the attitudes to match. You hinged your entire hope that Bucky was right, and that soulmates could come in different forms, so this would all be okay. So many other things were so wrong right now that this had to be okay, if nothing else could.

But an even stronger feeling than jealousy was regret; only now did you fully realize what Tony must have been feeling all this time, only made worse when you ran off to Wakanda at a moment's notice to help Bucky. After several awkward hours in silence, and with no clue as to what to say anyway, the rest of your team left, and you didn't care where they went anymore. You again stood staring at your own soulmate, your thoughts giving you a headache and you were no less clear on what you were going to do.

"I'm taking him out soon," Shuri approached quietly, taking a stand next to you.

"Already?"

"You said yourself that I work fast, but you sound surprised? What does a genius have to do to impress you people?"

"I'm incredibly impressed," you clarified quickly, "I didn't mean to sound like I'm not. I just wasn't expecting to see him again so soon. Things have gotten a little...muddy. I don't know what I'm going to say."

"I find that saying the first thing that comes to mind as the best. There's no time for covering truths to make things easier." She turned away and returned to her workstation, leaving you alone to stare at Bucky again; your mind returned to its clutter until she called back for you, with a little bit of clarity and hoping to help. "Life will be difficult no matter what you choose, so just choose something."

~~~

After the revelation of what you had told him, Tony felt like he didn't know what to do either, which was a foreign feeling for the man. He was normally so self-assured, and things usually fell into place for him, sometimes not so easily, but they still did. This didn't feel like something that would just resolve itself, and he definitely had zero answers about how to handle it. Obviously, he had to talk to Natasha, but she would know immediately if he tried to cover up the awkwardness of this. She had a maddening ability to read him, much like you could, but now it was painfully obvious as to why it was second nature to her.

Tony hadn't moved from his desk at HQ since your conversation, mirroring your state of mind when even so far apart. He wanted to talk to you again; he needed to talk to you again, but he had already called you once when he wasn't supposed to and he feared pushing too far. You likely weren't in much better of a state than he was, and he worried that you were feeling just as alone. Closing his eyes and holding his breath, he grabbed his phone and let fate decide another part of his life. Clearly, fate agreed with him this time.

I'm coming home.

You message across the screen made his heart race, and it felt not unlike the first time he had ever laid eyes on you. It was an energy that he missed, and the nervousness not unlike a first date that he actually enjoyed. He couldn't wait.

Is everything okay?

No. I need to see you.

Tony wanted to play it cool, as he usually did, but then he decided to hell with it; it was you and he had no reason to hold back. I miss you so much, (Y/N). I don't know what to do with this thing with Nat, and I need you here. I need you to know that nothing is going to change, okay? I will always choose you, too.