Scared Shitless

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Finn

I laid in bed running my fingers into circular motions on Melody's shoulder as she laid on my chest soundly sleeping. I thought lot about what to do. My mom says I need to get a job and I know that.. but what job can I get that is going to support a child or the mother of my child at 18. You could always go back to dealing.. I thought. I shook the idea out of my head. No Finn you promised Melody you wouldn't do that anymore you can't. I slowly and gently leaned Melody on the other side of the bed making sure not to wake her. I sighed as I sat up in bed. It was dark out with only the light of the moon and the stars peering through the cracks of my blinds hanging by the window. I ran my hands through my hair  as to show how frustrated I was getting thinking about how the hell I was gonna support a family. I'm only 18 what if I fail... then I'll be exactly like my low life dad and Melody will run away with the kid just like my mom did with me and nick.. nicks lucky.. he got a good job right out of high school working third shift at some factory. Makes good money, he is definitely making a life for himself. I let out a sigh of frustration and got up to go get some water. I sluggishly walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to get a bottle of water. "Couldn't sleep?" I gasped and turned around "Fuck mom don't scare me like that.." i said while closing the fridge door. She giggled softly "wheres Melody?" She asked "sleeping.. how she can sleep knowing she has a human being inside her is beyond me.. i know I can't" i said while sitting at the table across from her. She was drinking her sleepy time tea like always. "Nervous?" She asked. I paused for a minute and thought about how i really felt. "More like scared shitless." I said before taking a sip of my water. "It's pretty scary becoming a parent.. especially so young." I sighed and nodded slowly. "Think about any jobs you want to apply for?" She asked. I hated this part, she says shes on my side but when questions like that pop up its like she's silently judging me. "I don't know yet." I said sort of in a whisper. "I might have something for you." She said before clearing her throat. "Really?" I asked sort of shocked. "Yeah, Jack's mom says that her job is looking for a full time bus boy." I rolled my eyes "a dish washer? ma really?" She chuckled "it's something finn, your dad started out as a news paper boy when he found out about nick." I angrily sighed "so im exactly like that son of a bitch huh?" She looked at me with a soft expression. "Sweetie that's not what i meant you're nothing like him." I got up and leaned on my knuckles "are you kidding! I have the same fucking probation officer for the same fucking crime! I got a girl pregnant and I can't even afford a studio apartment and lets not forget the fact that i look just like fucking ass hole. Don't try and tell me that I'm nothing like him okay?!" I yelled as my voice cracked from me trying to keep in my tears. I wanted to cry but I couldn't i needed to stay strong here. She grabbed my face with both of her hands and looked up at me. "Sweetie stop it.. yes you have made some mistakes but the way that your going about fixing them is nothing like him you're so much more than that poor excuse for a man.. why can't you see that." She said before bringing me into a tight hug. I couldn't hold it anymore, it was something about my mom that just brought out the soft side of me. I broke down on her shoulder. "Mom i don't know what to do.. help me please." I said through my sobs. "Honey  i promise i will do my best to help you. Shhh its okay shhhh." She said trying to calm me down but I couldn't i kept sobbing and my tears kept pouring out of me. "Finn , Finn come on lets get you back to bed okay, its gonna be okay." She said while leading me back to my room. We stopped in front of my door and she opened it. She smiled at Melody "at least one good thing came out of this." I furrowed my eye brow. "Whats that?" I asked "her, she might be pregnant but she sure as hell been a good influence on you i pray you never loose her." She said before kissing my cheek and walking away.
I walked into my room while shutting the door and wiping my face of my tears and sat on the edge of the bed. I sniffled and was about to lay down until i felt a pair of arms wrap around me. A smile crept on my face. "What are you doing up? You should be sleeping we have school tomorrow." I said feeling weird about it because people our age don't usually have kids while their in school.. well at least at this school anyway. "I heard your talk with your mom." She said before sitting next to me. I cleared my throat and sighed. "Are you mad?" I asked. She shook her head "not for what you think.. Finn I know you think this baby is a mistake I'm not gonna be mad at you for telling the truth.. I'm mad because you think that your exactly like your father, which you are not by the way." She said while placing her hand on my knee. I smiled as i took her hand in mine. "Its funny how one small hand can you make you feel like everything is going to be okay." I said before kissing her hand making her giggle. Her giggle was the cutest thing I've ever heard and for some reason she is making me feel like all of this is just a bad dream. I pulled her into a hug and nuzzled my face into her neck. She held me tightly and did the same. "Finn it may not be easy but it's going to be okay." She pulled away from me and stared at my eyes. Her eyes.. the one thing i could stare at all day. She smiled and quickly placed her lips softly on mine. "I love you." She said with a smile. "I love you too." She laid down on my bed and looked at me while patting the bed. "Come on be my little spoon" i chuckled "okay but I'm the big spoon I'm always the big spoon." I said while crawling into bed behind her and draping my arm around her pulling her closer to me. We laid there for what seemed like forever. But eventually her breathing got slow but heavy telling me she was finally asleep. Not even a few minutes later and my eyes grew heavy and soon found peace in drifting to sleep.

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