Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I know I'm probably being selfish or needy or seeking attention but what else am I supposed to do?
I recently had an encounter with two people who I thought were my friends but it turns out they've only been using me, making fun of me and spreading rumors that never even happened. These people were my first friends that I had when I came out of an international school. The first year I didn't have friends and then they came and I was happy. But now I see them and I doubt my choices. I doubt ever trusting them because all they did was use me. They mocked my best friend, they mocked my preferences and they mocked what I wear. And nowadays they tell me "Don't be so harsh" or "don't be mean!" Or "We're your friends though!"
And they're the ones that taught me to speak properly!! I DEPENDED on them and now I'm just a toy for their amusement.
I don't know how many friends I have out there. REAL friends. Not just people who say they are but don't act it. I could name some people but I'd rather not.
In school I have no friends. In my old school I think I have one but I'm not sure. In my Russian school which I visit once a week for a couple hours, I have two real friends. But that's it.
No one lives near me. No one ever comes up to my front door and asks to go out with me. No one calls me so I have to end up calling them because they won't do it (again, I can name people but I'm sure they'll know who they are)
I'm always online and yet no one really sends me a message asking me if I'm ok. But to save you the trouble of asking, no I'm not.
I reside to online contact because I have nothing else. The only family I have is my mother who says she raises me but I've spent more time talking to people I dislike than to her. No family nearby for hundreds of kilometers.
So basically what I'm saying is the fight is getting tougher. The fight to stay alive. So if anyone out there really is my friend, then talk to me. Idc how. Roleplay, pm, heck you can even text me through other social media if you have me. But if you really care, then show it.
And it's not just to me. If you have friends out there, tell them that you're here for them! They need you because you're the next best thing to family.
Yeah well that's all. I think. I've got that out of my system.
So if anyone's curious about the drawing, it's one of my main OCs, Shade. I use her as my vent OC too because she fits the role. The cuts on her back represent backstabbing, the cuts on her arms and legs represent depression and self-hatred, the chains represent restraint from making deep connections with people.
