Broken

chapter thirty

A/N: this chapter includes some potentially upsetting topics so I wanted to warn you beforehand. 

Aria POV:

"How long have you known?" he asks.

"A few weeks, maybe. I'm not really sure. I've been trying not to think about it," I reply.

"A few weeks?"

"Please don't be angry. You have to understand that I didn't want to share this. It was all new to me. I was hoping by not thinking or talking about it, it would go away."

"I'm not angry. But all the time you were telling me that we had to sort through things together, you were holding on to a secret as big as this."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise."

"Does this change anything? About us?"

"What? No, of course it doesn't." He puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him.

Ezra accompanies me to the next appointment a few days later. Sitting beside him in the waiting room, staring absentmindedly at the hideous green walls, I feel a nervousness I don't quite recognise. With everything that happened this year, I thought my physical health would be the last of my worries.

"You okay?" Ezra asks in a low voice, respecting the quiet of the room.

I nod. "You?"

"Me? Yeah. Of course."

The nurse calls my name and we follow her through to the small medical room, the overpowering stench of antiseptic and latex present as soon as the door opens. The nurse spoke to Ezra and I before letting us know my results. I knew the outcome before she told us; I could read it on her face. She'd done this thousands of times before she tells us, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's not as though we were trying for children, I'm only eighteen and definitely wasn't thinking about it. But knowing that when the time comes and we do want children, we won't be able to have them was a difficult truth to swallow.

"I'll give you both some privacy," the nurse says with a curt nod as she walks out of the room.

I stare at the desk, unsure of what to say to Ezra, unsure of how to react.

"It'll be okay," Ezra says, breaking the silence. I don't know whether he's trying to convince me or himself.

"Will it?" I ask.

"A child was the last thing on our minds, wasn't it?"

"Yeah but that doesn't make this any better, Ezra. Even if we do decide to have them, I won't be able to carry them."

"But we have so many other options, I'm sure one of them will be the right fit for us."

The nurse interrupts our intense conversation with an apologetic smile; I can tell she's on a tight schedule and is trying to rush us without actually rushing us.

"Would you like to go through your options?" she asks as soon as she's seated.

"We weren't trying for children," I reply. "I'm only eighteen."

"Oh, I see. Still, it's never too early to talk it through," she says.

"No thank you," I answer, not waiting for Ezra to chip in. "Is there anything else we need to know?"