Light Upon Light

#50 The Adieu

She didn’t say anything which made it easier. I was far too tired to push her away. In the dim lighting of my room we sat like on the carpet, for ages it seemed to me. Her crisp and clean clothes were being stained by my tears. I felt dirty, but she just held me closer and let me cry it out.

I don’t know when I started talking. But I found myself telling her everything. Even stuff about Zaid. I was confessing to her about what brought me to Salimabad in the first place. Through tears and blubbering and stammering, I was baring my heart to Iqra Bhabhi. I told her about my relationships, my old friends, Zidan and my last conversation with him, how it had ended in a fight. She listened in silence as I talked about Dadi and how I feared her and then loved her so fiercely. All she did was stroke my hair and hold my hand and listen and listen as I talked about Mom and Dad and Azhar and Zaid.

By the time I was done, hours probably flew by. I had no sense of time. Even then Bhabhi didn’t speak a word. She instead stood up and pulled me along and sent me to the washroom with fresh clothes. I didn’t feel like letting go of her though. Having proper human contact after such a long time, I clung to her.

Slowly she made me release her and said, “Go and take a nice warm bath honey. I’ll be right here, I promise.”

Seeing conviction in her eyes, the same as that of her brother’s, I followed her instruction and stepped into the shower. With the grime and dirt and filthy water that went down the drain also went a bit of the blackness that has been haunting my soul for a while now.

I felt squeaky clean inside and out after I was done.

My room also looked impeccable. All the laundry that was strewn in a mess in the dressing room was cleared up, it looked even more perfectly organized than the way I used to keep it. My books and files were stacked neatly on my desk and my bed spreads and covers were all changed. The room was lit up properly and Bhabhi had thrown the doors of the balcony and the windows open. The night sky looked brilliant as it was clear and strewn with stars.

Bhabhi was seated on the window seat with a tray of food beside her. I took my time in getting to her, feeling self conscious now that she knew things about me I would otherwise not have told her. However, she had not coerced me into confession.

On hearing me approach she shifted her gaze from the view outside to me. Her face lit up with a warm smile. It was not a million watt grin like that of Bhai's. It was mellow but beautiful closed smile that made her deep eyes look lovely. It was soft and comforting. I walked the rest of the way to the seat more confidently.

Iqra Bhabhi would never share my secrets to anyone, nor would she talk about them unless I wanted to. She didn’t have to speak to reassure me. Her silence conveyed volumes.

“Ammi made your favourite fried rice and tikka today, have some, you look like a bag of bones” she said holding a spoonful of rice up. I couldn’t help but crack a smile at that.

She fed me and then started talking to me about how she missed her home sometimes and Sidra and Zaid. Apparently she used to get annoyed by Sidra's ceaseless chatter, but now she missed it. Not that it has stopped. Sidra called her almost every day without fail. She had even visited Ashiana a couple of times over the past few weeks it seems.

I did know about that. Like everyone else who tried, Sidra had also come to check on me and try to get me to open up.

“Jazak Allahu Khairan Bhabhi,” I said as I stared at the stars and felt light and free from burden.

“Wa iyyaki honey, it was the least I could do for my new family and my little crazy sister-in-law,” she ruffled my damp hair. I had to chuckle at that.