How can you love a cripple (Ivar the boneless)

Ch20

Published 12/14/18

I was, so scared and confused.  I love ivar with my all. I stare down at my arms that are still covered in small bruises. I had no idea how long I sat there deep in my thoughts until a knock was heard at the door.  I looked up at the door as it opened.  It was Margareth.  I gave her a small smile which she returned.  I did not trust Margaret she had this bad kinda vibe coming from her. She walked to me and Crouched down to my height.  Her eyes held saddness yet I could also see excitement

"Oh theadora,  all you ever do is get hurt" she  whispered.  "Theadora do you remember the day lagatha came and killed aslaug" she asked?  "Yes but I don't remember much of that day" I told her wondering why she is bringing this up. "Do you remember what you did"? I grew tense,  what did I do?  Margareth let out a giggle.  "You threatened lagatha,  and your eyes changed color, one eyes was black and blood red while the other was gold" she told me as if it was nothing shocking.  My eyes widen in shock.  WHAT?!  My eyes changed? 

I sat there froze,  it's not possible.  "That's not even the best part.  You had what everyone believes behind you was the goddess Hel and the goddess Eir". My eyes widen in shock and my breathing stopped for a moment.  I had  summoned goddesses some how. I looked to the ground my face full of confusion.  It's not possible,  there is no way I had summoned two very powerful goddesses.  "Oh poor little theadora, now people are calling you cursed and blessed by the gods" margareth told me patting my head gently.

People are calling me cursed! I could never leave this room if people thought I was cursed. They could or even would kill me.  Today has been to much for me.  I feel like I'm going crazy, like my mind is over flowing.  My heart hurt, my head hurt,  my whole body was in pain.  But I could not tell what hurt more the physical or emotional pain. Margareth stood up and left my room.  I was once again alone in my thoughts. 

I hated this,  ivar probably hated me and no longer wanted me. Just that thought broke my heart into pieces. I slowly stood up on shakey legs.  I made small steps to the bed. Once I was close enough I just collapsed today has been to much for me.  I have lost everything all over again. Small tears came to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks landing on the animal fur blanket. What have I done to lose what I have worked so hard for. I survived my slave life in England,  I survived life at sea,  I survived a storm, I made it to kattagat and fell in love with ivar the boneless.  I watched good people die.  And now all of that is gone.  But I will survive because that's what I have always done.