For Milady

EIGHTEEN: Reactions

"Haven't you got a Tribe to rule?" he snarked. The pale green eyes narrowed at the tone.

"I would be there-if my little brother hadn't gotten himself into mortal danger!" he snapped back, his tone cool.

"Well, I'm better now so no reason for you to still be here," Hiccup retorted, unable to stop himself. "I'm not one of your people." There was a chilly silence as Dagur rose and glared at him, the look so reminiscent of his expression when he had been working with the Hunters that it sent a chill down Hiccup's spine. Then the Berserker walked out without sparing him another glance, shouting for Sleuther as he left. The sound of the dragon taking off was loud in the silence. Heather looked up and glared at him.

"Are you going to tell me to go away now?" she snapped. "He was really worried about you-because he sensed there was something very wrong. He saved your life-you have no right to talk to him like that!" Digging his hands in his hair, he took a shuddering breath and then glared at her.

"Why am I suddenly the bad guy?" he snarled at her, suddenly and unreasonably angry. "I mean-you betrayed us to Alvin and we still helped you and forgave you. You betrayed us again and lied to me. Trying to rescue you cost us the DragonEye! Dagur tortured me as a kid, tried to kill me so many times and destroyed homes on Berk-including Astrid's family home. And he was forgiven. I have forgiven everyone! So why will no one cut me any damned slack? Why am I expected to be perfect, to never be frustrated or in pain or scared to death that the woman I love is out there and I have no clue where she is or even which way she went? Why I can't be upset that I was captured and hurt and my stupidity let Toothless get harmed? Why can't anyone just let me be me and let me be furious at how fate has treated me?"

Then he turned and limped out through the cave entrance into the blizzard, the wind taking his breath and snowflakes blinding him.

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!" he screamed in utter frustration, then stumbled back against the rocky cliff that formed the surroundings of the cave mouth. Resting his head back against the uneven rock, he closed his eyes and allowed shuddering breaths to shake his still-healing form. He pressed his hands to his face, shame already coiling in his chest. But he still jumped as a hand gently landed on his shoulder. he looked up into the worried green eyes of Heather.

"Come inside," she said above the wind. "It will do no one any good if you freeze out here!" Miserable, he nodded, his hair already frosted with snow.

"M'sorry," he mumbled as she wrapped an arm around him and steered him into the shelter and close by the little fire. Her voice was soothing as she sat at his side.

"Come on-I know you're worried about her. I am too. But you can't chase after her without Toothless-and he's going to take another few days before that wing is ready to fly."

"I know," he sighed, staring into he golden flames, unfocussing as his shoulders slumped. "I mean, I gave everything up for her. I literally have nowhere and no one left except her. And if...if she goes into labour without me, she...she could....and I would never see her again." He took a shuddering breath. "I made my choice but I have failed her so badly..."

"Hiccup-you could always come to Berserk," she reminded him. "We would always make you welcome..." His shamed eyes flicked up and he gave a very wan smile.

"That ship may have sailed," he shrugged. "I guess I'm probably already on Berserk's most wanted list. Not even taking into account that I am an Outcast so technically I shouldn't be welcome on your island. I could mess up your Treaty with Berk if Dad finds you're harbouring me..."

"I suspect he's hoping we will," Dagur said from the entrance, his hair full of snow. Hiccup glanced up in alarm but the Berserker walked calmly to sit opposite the auburn-haired Viking and ruffled the snow from his short hair. "You don't need to say it, brother-that temper is really worthy of a Berserker..."