confused. sillie

ninth. soft lips

CHAPTER NINE OF
CONFUSED

—

the red and green lights shined through the crystal i was, so carefully, watching with tiredness in my eyes and redness lights on my skin. the smell of men fragrance was all i was breathing and it got toxic at some point, i cough silently, tired of the smell. i missed sadie's fragrance, her natural good smell was everything someone could ask for, it's the only smell i could breath my entire life and never get tired of it.

i smiled at the thought of her. how her cheeks used to turn red when she laughed, and how her eyes watered for how long she's been laughing, and how her freckles were infinite, the way her fire hair used to fly with the wind all over her face, how she used to hold my hand. i missed everything about her.

"what are you thinking, mills?" oh, how much i loved it when her soft voice said my name, with such a carefulness that i felt as if it was the most precious thing on earth. but of course, it wasn't her who was calling for me, instead it was the raspy voice of the boy next to me. there was nothing wrong with his voice... it just wasn't hers.

i sighed, looking back at him, "i just– i miss her, finnie" i felt as all the tears were coming back, and i think he felt it too, because he instantly looked at me and stopped the car, the red light coming on handy. he reached for my face, with careful hands, as if he was afraid he'd break me. "hey look at me"

and i did, my tears already fallen, and he cleaned them softly "i'm here, i know she's your best friend and i could never replace her, i think..." he trailed off, looking down and then looking back at me, i frowned and sniffed a little.

"you have to go talk to her millie"

"i–i can't" my head hung low and my tears started to fall faster. "yes, of course you can mills" i nodded, no longer in want for this conversation to continue. he hugged me tight, and i smiled between the hug.

—

i giggled as i looked at him, his dancing being horrible as mine, as the song continued, he got tired and laid down next to me, his messy hair, all over his eyes, i rolled my eyes playfully and reached my hand to fix his hair "you know if i keep fixing your hair, i better be your personal hair stylist" i joked as i removed my hand from his hair, until he grabbed it, moving it back to his hair, i giggled.

i started rubbing his soft hair, pushing it out of his face, as he closed his eyes. i smiled at his face, he looked pure, he looked beautiful, like he was a baby. "you're cute finnie" i complimented, and he opened his eyes, with a smile on his face, he looked like he shined "you really just said that?"

"yes finn, you are cute" i repeated myself, and he smiled even more "and you are beautiful mills" i smiled, moving my hand from his hair to his freckled face. i first touched his brown constellations, as he closed his eyes again.

his soft skin through my fingers felt nice, i even reached my other hand. i touched his freckles until i felt like it was annoying him, i touched his eyebrows, and then forehead. his cheeks, that were pink, and lastly, i touched his lips.

he opened his eyes, when i touched his lips, he looked at me in the eyes, his cheeks turn a dark shade of pink, and he looked cuter.

suddenly i see his hand reaching for my face, his hand felt soft against my skin, he quickly reached my lips, and now we were touching each other lips, i suddenly have a memory from when i first talked to sadie about finn, and i ended up with my hand on her cheek, oh man, i wish she was here.

finn suddenly grabbed my face, and started leaning in, my heart started racing, and i moved my hand from his lips, to his cheeks, when we were inches apart, he started closing his eyes, and i felt my heart get out of my chest, i didn't know what to do.

as our lips met, i unintentionally started thinking of her, her red hair on my face that smelt like strawberries and peaches, her brown freckles that flew all around her perfect cheeks and her nose and even her neck, her perfect ocean eyes that looked at me with such a soft stare made me wanna drown in them. and of course, her red puffy lips, that were such a distraction i thought it was impossible.

i kissed him, as i thought of her.

that's not how it should be. right?

his lips were soft, and confortable to touch, but i didn't feel everything they always said in movies, i didn't feel fireworks, or butterflies. i just felt his warm, soft lips on mine. maybe that's just how kiss felt? and maybe, just maybe, kissing scenes in movies were way too exaggerated.

as we disconnected our lips, finn opened his eyes and they showed such an excitement and happiness, it even made me feel bad. his perfect smile made me want to drown, and his red cheeks made me want to jump out of the window.

oh boy..

—

okay this was the shortest chapter ever! im so fucking sorry but i was just kinda not inspired and i just idk

i promise i'll do something longer next time!

ALSO this is the first kiss scene i've written in my entire life so pls don't judge i know it sucks!!

–z.g