one hundred true moments [kiho, kihyun x wonho]

004

It's Valentine's Day, and Hoseok won't even leave his bed, won't even leave from under the covers.

When Kihyun goes to the second bedroom to check on him, he's buried underneath a mound of blankets, and curled up facing the wall. But he's awake, Kihyun can tell by his uneven, anxious breathing, and the way he freezes in place, pretending to still be asleep when Kihyun steps in quietly to wake up Hyungwon and Hyunwoo. It's a lucky thing that their schedule is free this year, and that they have nowhere to go, because in past years, Hoseok has had to put on a fake smile, soldier on even when Kihyun could see how much it was killing him to pretend that everything was alright, even when Kihyun could see the deep sorrow lurking in his eyes.

Though, when Kihyun really thinks about it, maybe it's not such a lucky thing after all, that they're home for Valentine's Day this year, because when they're home like this, there's no escape from what's happening, no distraction, and all he can think about all day is poor Hoseok, all closed-up and alone, refusing to allow Kihyun in to help him. Even when Kihyun tries to lure him out of bed with movies, with games, even with his favorite ramen, Hoseok won't budge.

The truth is, Kihyun's only consolation is that he knows that by tomorrow, Hoseok will be completely back to normal, as if nothing ever happened. It will be like flipping a switch, and though Kihyun will still feel uneasy about the whole thing, he knows it'll pass in a few days, and they'll all forget about it again until next year. But until then, Valentine's Day will be painful for Kihyun too, something he's been dreading like an oncoming storm.

In the weeks leading up to today, he'd spent many long nights wondering what could possibly cause Hoseok to act like this every year. And no matter how many times he went 'round and 'round in his head, he'd always come to the same conclusion, that Hoseok must be thinking about some long-lost love, someone he can't be with anymore since becoming a trainee and then an idol, someone that he still can't move on from. Valentine's Day must remind him of what he had to give up, and it must break his heart all over again when forced to confront it on the annual day of romance.

And whenever Kihyun's mind started to wander down that path, he'd be overcome with two distinct kinds of pain. One, the simpler, easier-to-understand of the two, came from empathy. He hated seeing his best friend so down, and hated being unable to stop it from happening, and being unable to remedy it once it took hold.

The other kind of pain, it came from deep inside Kihyun's chest, deep and low, buried underneath everything else, bubbled up thick and sticky from his core, and it was a much more nauseating, prickly kind of pain, something he couldn't quite identify, but that flared up wildly at even the thought of Hoseok pining so intensely over some mystery person from his past.

But Kihyun tried not to dwell on it, because he didn't like the feeling at all, not one bit.

And as the day goes on, as Hoseok sulks alone in his room and the other members go in and out of the dorm doing this and that, Kihyun watches over Hoseok from a distance, hovers around the bedroom door, knowing that Hoseok can hear him and wondering if this might be the year that they finally talk about it.

Later that night, the others all go out to dinner with the manager, but Kihyun declines the invitation and decides to stay in with Hoseok, still worried about him as always, and suddenly, they're all alone. While normally, they would love being alone together, would enjoy a silly movie or work on some songs or just goof around, right now, the empty dorm feels oppressive, and the tension in the air is suffocating.

It's getting late, and Kihyun has run out of chores and activities to distract himself with, and so before he heads off to sleep, he decides to try one more time, to try one last time to get through to Hoseok and finally be able to help him through whatever he's struggling with. Kihyun turns off the lights all over the dorm and walks slowly and softly down the hallway to the other bedroom, hesitating at the doorway before he gently pushes it open to peek inside.