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I wanna start off saying I started writing this in July of 2017 so it's pretty shitty and I hate it, i had no idea how to finish it I'm sorry it's so bad
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•July 18th 2016•
She was smiling, she was weak.
He was crying, he was strong.
The two situations in which take place, are both equally a challenge to partake in.
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•February 3rd 2018•
Y/N POV
You wake up, put on a small dose of makeup (that wasn't intended to rhyme) get dressed, and get going with your day.
You set off early in small nagging fear that you would be late for this given opportunity.
Life where you used to live, was consistently based off of work, you had to work to live, survive, and pay whatever rent or bills given to you. Here, you had many opportunities that were flying by that you needed to grab hold of before they left so quickly.
So that was what you were setting off to do so early today. Get a stable job in this wonder of a city.
L.A. was perfect to your taste as you'd learnt in the past months, but still without a job it was useless.
You walk slowly and in the soft rhythm of left right left right every time you walked to keep yourself distracted from the world around you. In this process you got lost into thinking about the movement of your feet, than actually facing your social anxiety.
Your inner self told you you were useless, weak and had a completely fucked up mentally. But you kept keeping that smile plastered because people wanted it.
It was all about the people, and their opinions.
—
•same day•
You arrived at a small coffee bar called the lemon tree, you set yourself down at a table and pick out your phone out of your pocket. Slowly scrolling through your instagram.
You see comments like
"She's so pretty 😍"
"How is one so beautiful"
"I love her eyeliner it's on fleek gurl 👌🏻✨"
You sigh softly, the internet is so goddamn fucked up. People lie because beauty is all about the looks. Of course, that's why we try. Try to do our best to look beautiful despite the voice inside telling us that we're disgraceful for doing so.
It's all about the people, and their opinions.
You turn you head around, and see, whom you never thought you'd see again.
Mark, your ex. About 1 year ago today, you broke up because of the difficulty to find time together. He had a very arrogant way of dealing with the endless nights you'd spent crying and tearing yourself down over well, yourself.
You tried your best to ignore him as he sat down on 2 tables away with a bunch of his "friends" which consisted of some fuckos with no self control over their actions or what they said.
Trust me you knew those guys.
Mark was staring at you, again ignoring it you scrolled down through more comments.
He got up.
You got up.
He made his way towards you.
You made your away away from him.
—
•same day•
You open the door to the coffee shop, feeling embarrassed at Ye fact that you forgot to order something and looked sketchy.
He grabbed your arm, trying to maintain eye contact while you were looking away.
"Long time no see?"
He uttered nervously.
You just formed a straight line with your lips and kept quiet. Trying to break out of his soft grasp.
He slowly let go of your arm, still maintaining firm eye contact. Your bodies weren't close, not as close as you told yourself you'd like it to be. His eyes grazed over your face, longing to see the glow in your eyes every time you looked at him, or the way your cheeks went aflame every time he complemented you.
But that was gone, he broke his vow.
"Do you wanna come to my place to talk about some stuff? Clear a few things and you know- see how things have been going in the past year."
The inaudible voice in your head was saying no, that you should instantly refuse. But his eyes begged you, his stance was awkward and his heart was in your hands.
"Fine."
His lips curved up slightly giving you a small smile of which you used to cherish, but now, felt no emotion for.
*small time skip to the house sorry*
After having a long awkward 10 minutes of him trying to small talk you and you trying to ignore his attempts.
You arrive at his house, it was bigger than you'd expected but you weren't surprised considering he has pretty deep pockets when it came to money.
You entered the house, Mark following close behind you. He sat you down on his sofa. Which might I add was hella comfortable.
Then a conversation struck up between you two, weirdly, you enjoyed it. It was good knowing he'd suffered just as much as you had. You think it'd have been unfair if he'd have just been ignorant and move on so quickly from you. But you were also sad that he has to suffer so much.
About 2 hours later, after having caught up. You were laughing together, you were happy and he was over joyed.
He still loved you, but a problem sat in the way.
"How's your love life now.. y/n?" He said cautiously as if it were poison on his tongue and that you would instantly turn to be angry at him.
"No-one, to be perfectly frank with you Mark. How about you?"
He rubbed his neck and bit his lip softly which was a common thing he did as you had learnt in the years you had known him, he did it when he was nervous.
"I've got a girlfriend yeah" as soon as those words left his lips, you felt crushed, again. Why had he come towards you if his heart belonged to someone else. Not that you cared or wanted him back. No, of course not.
"I'm happy for you." You forced the words, they sounded bad in your head but you hoped it sounded fine and unsuspicious to his ears.
He continued to stare at you. Unsure of what to say. Of course he knew what you said had been fake. He knew. He just couldn't find a way to comfort you in this current moment.
So he got up, grabbed your hand. In that moment someone opened the door. A girl with black hair and bright blue eyes and the most horrendous bitchy face you'd ever seen walked from the front door.
She placed her hands on her hips and stared at his hand wrapped around yours, you tugged it away from his and he just looked at the girl who came in as if she was made of gold.
"Hey babe." He sad happily. Was he trying to break you? Your heart sank even more and that crushing feeling was returning.
He's an asshole, Mark fucking Fischbach. You looked away as he went in to kiss her with a sense of passion and love that you didn't seem to see in his relationship with you. You were absolutely broken hearted. But he didn't care. Of course. He was too focused on his lips on hers.
So, as they continued their "fantasies" you walked out on them. Life's unfair. As everyone says. But this was lower than you thought Mark would stoop, you thought he was better than that.
Some things don't change. And you were still weak, and still broken.
And guess what? You don't think he cared.
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This was a sad-un one to do. I don't like it all I'm so so sorry for the shitpost.
Anyways, salut 👽👌🏻
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