say something. [ COMPLETE ]

recording two - sunday - week one

the voicemails. the voicemails i sent you. i can't even remember half of them.

i do remember one, because while i was screaming my head off in my room and practically ripping my hair out of my head, my little brother walked in. mom and dad weren't home, they were still at work downtown.

i was yelling, yelling at you for going behind my back with maura, shouting and crying, saying you were a liar, betrayer, and that i hated you.

sam walked in, his brown eyes wide, with a frown on his face. i looked at the doorway, and in a crazy rage, i jumped off my bed and threw three pillows and a book at him.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!" i shrieked. sam, twelve year old sam, scurried off. he knew better.

everybody knew better not to mess with me when i got mad.

except maura. maura always pissed me off. and i tolerated it, i really did—because she was supposed to be my best friend. and best friends need to accept each other for who they are.

but i've been 'accepting' maura since eighth grade and you know what? she's not that good of a friend. she's been my ex-best friend since friday.

the day you died.

she's been my ex-best friend since the... incident when i caught you and her making out in the janitor's closet during passing period.

i still remember it so clearly—i couldn't find either of you and i realized you two had to be together.

i had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that it was...the worst kind of together.

as in, together together, boyfriend-girlfriend status.

some sophomore girl who was friends with maura was standing outside the janitor's closet by the trophy case in the hallway.

i walked up to her and asked if she knew where maura was. then, the midst of the crowds of talking students, a loud sound rose above everything else.

my eyes widened. my breathing quickened. rage filled up my insides.

it was the sound of maura's signature flirty shriek. and it was coming from the janitor closet.

when the sophomore knew what i had just discovered, she ran, leaving the door unguarded.

and i opened the closet door with such anger one hinge broke off.

you and maura had been kissing but stopped when you realized what i had done.

i should've known. i really should've known. god, i was such a fucking stupid girl.

everything fell into place after that mess.

i remember running out of school, ripping my bike out of the bike rack and riding home, hot tears streaming down my face. i knew i was going to get into trouble for leaving school without notice.

i didn't care.

i knew she'd been flirting with you ever since i told her i liked you. i didn't know what her deal was. ever since twelfth grade started she'd been so intent on taking everything i had—my other friends, my parents, my clothes—and you.

she was like the perfect little princess everybody wanted to be friends with—acting so fake and innocent. but i didn't stop being friends with her because i convinced myself she wasn't toxic.

and that's a fatal flaw in me. i always believe that there's still good in bad people.

no.

people change and they stay terrible for the rest of their lives.

and so, you flirted back with her. but you chose me instead of her, one month ago. and that made me happy.

i guess i was too naïve and blinded by your charms to realize you two were exchanging glances, or winks, or jokingly dropping pick-up lines at each other.

i can't fucking believe i trusted her.

and sometimes i can't fucking believe i trusted you.