Sincerely, Jaida

jailed

When will this night be over?

The police answered me once they pushed me into the back of the police vehicle. The cold of the handcuffs traced my wrists as I twiddled my thumbs and ignored Rose's panicked face through the windshield. My head was aching, and my body felt sweaty against the rough leather of the seats. Metal mesh divided me from the police seated in front of me. All throughout the fucking uncomfortable ride to the nearest station, they talked among themselves above the police transmission radio. I slumped against the seats repeating the events of the night.

Fucking hell love. You feel that? You feel how hard I am for you?

I wanted Xavier. He called me love. Not baby girl. He treated me the way I never thought I deserved to be treated. He respected me.

I'm not leaving you like this, I'll be right here.

No one had ever promised me those words. Yet two days in knowing each other, he did. He did while looking me in the eye. He treated me the way I was afraid I wanted to be and desperately needed to be.

My eyes welled up as the cell slammed shut behind me. I sat down amongst four other women. Their eyes red, makeup running down their faces, hair dishevelled and shitfaced. Xavier was on my mind for when I I made my one phone call to an angry Pops. He was on my mind as I waited. He was on my mind even when I got released and while Pops lectured me.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED JAIDA? Why the fuck did I just pick you up from the fucking police station, huh? You know how I feel about this!"

Pops had a criminal record. His hippy days turned in to heavy drug use. He was only thirty years old, and my mother had visited him every day in prison when he got twelve months for possession of drugs. Marijuana and cocaine. He got released six months earlier for good behaviour, but his addiction grew worse once he was released. After a six month hiatus, his need for cocaine was unimaginably intense. Sheila picked him off the streets when he was dosed with cocaine and tried sobering him up numerous times till it finally stuck. After overcoming his addiction, he still had to face the fact that he had a criminal record. He applied for jobs that turned him down till Sheila hired him. He nicknamed her, Grace. His saving grace.

A sob spilt through my lips, and I cried out a sorry, but Pops anger had built up so high that our ride to my house was silent. I shot him a pleading look, and when I saw his eyes turn stone cold, I gingerly got out of the car to see Xavier laying on my footsteps, asleep.

Oh, Xavier.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and stepped away from Pops car. Without so much as a glance at me, he drove off. Breathing in, I walked over to Xavier. "Xavier?" His face looked so troubled in his sleep. His eyes fluttered open as his eyes came to focus on my own. Once he registered dreams from reality, his body shot up.

"Jaida! I-I-I came to see if-" his voice trailed as he narrowed his eyes at my forehead. "-you're okay? W-what happened? What happened to your face?" he asked, his face filled with worry. He stepped closer and reached for my face, but I pulled away. I grumbled nothing. "No, don't shut me out, love. I-I-I need to know, please," he pleaded.

"Why? Why do you fucking care?"

His face expression hardened. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why? Why do I care? B-b-because I fucking like you. I like you a lot. I care about you because you mean something to me. No, you mean a fucking lot to me. Love, please. Just tell me what happened,"

The tears I was so strongly trying to hold back, watered down my face and my lips trembled uncontrollably. His anger dissolved as his arms went around me. He held me tightly with his nose breathing in my scent on my neck. I did something I hadn't done in years.

I cried in front of someone. I cried till my eyes were fucking dry.

He let me go once his shirt was wet on his shoulder and I had reduced to sniffling. He opened his mouth, but I cut him short. "I went to a bar, and I kissed a guy," it was out in the air, but I didn't feel any sense of relief. "Y-y-you kissed someone?" he muttered with his face returning to its grimace. "No, yes. I-I-I walked in there wanting to, but he started kissing my neck-" his face flashed with pain "-and he reached my lips but I couldn't kiss him, and so I tried walking away and h-h-he wouldn't l-l-let-" my voice wavered. His arm around me stroked my back up and down even as his face held anger. I cleared my throat and looked down. "When he pulled me back, I kissed him and bit his tongue. I-I-I tried leaving but he started forcing himself, and I punched him. He started yelling, and then the manager called the police. I got a-arrested,"

His eyes were blazing, and his cheeks were fuming red. I had never seen him like this. "HE WHAT? HE FUCKING FORCED HIMSELF ON YOU? Why THE FUCK did they arrest you and not him?" he asked roughly, his voice hoarse and throaty.

"I bit his tongue and headbanged his head and punched him in the eye," my hand trailed to my forehead unconsciously.

"I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM! I'll fucking ruin him. He touched what's-" I smashed my mouth against him. I could taste the salt of my dried tears as I opened my mouth giving him entry. Before I could taste him, he withdrew his head. He regarded me with a hurt frown. "No, wait. Why did you kiss him? Jaida? I t-th-thought we have, well, h-h-had" his arms untangled from my body.

Tears were streaming down my face. I had never trusted a guy as much as I did with Xavier. I fucked up big time and had no one else to blame but myself.

"We do. I-I-I didn't want to see you. I didn't want you. I'm emotionally and mentally fucked Xavier. I knew I don't deserve you. I don't know how to love. Xavier, I can't love you. I couldn't drag someone so good, down with me. I-I-I could see myself fall so easily for you, but I can't let it happen. Xavier, you need to s-stay away from-"

His fines touched my chin as he raised my face to his. Our lips moved in sync as his hands cradled the sides of my face. He kissed me so passionately, so lovingly, so strongly. "You pierce your nails into the palms of your hands. You hate thinking about school. Your father doesn't deserve you, he was such an asshole. He talked to you like shit on Sunday. You don't deserve that Jaida. And whatever else there is, I'm not running," he said.

I was bewildered. "H-how did you know?" I asked staring into his eyes. "There was blood in your fingernails and on your palm after you punched the girl at Reds," he studied my face before continuing. "On Sunday, I went to talk to you about, well, about us when I overheard you and your father talking. I knew who he was because you have his name on the affidavit hanging in the living room, releasing you from his custody. And why do I pay so much attention? Because Jaida, you liven up the fucking room when you walk in. Your mother passed away, you have no father, and yet you smile every fucking day. You look after Pops, Rose and TomTom. I didn't realise TomTom was homeless till I overheard Pops mention it to Cher. Jaida, you have a bigger heart than anyone I know," he said slightly shaking my face in his hands.

I looked at him with my mouth open, gaping at his confession.

"I don't ever want to see you like this. Jaida, I haven't always been like this. I'm a fully recovered alcoholic. I've been going to AA meetings for two years now. Cherie was going bankrupt, and I was stressing a lot more than she was. She's always been carefree, so once I saw the numbers, I started drinking my weight. I was working away my days away at the mechanics. Cher never had to come in, so I was away from family for most hours of the day. I hid it well till Calista caught me shitfaced and it sobered me up. We all have a past but Jaida, as much as yours is affecting you, you have never shown it. You. Are. Amazing," I was bawling my eyes out. Pressing me hard against him, he breathed out more calming words at me and rubbed his thumb against my forehead.

Oh, Xavier.

a/n: I poured my fucking heart and a bucket load of tears in these last few chapters. Shit got so personal so fast. I also got my period lol.

Hope y'all don't hate me. In my defence, she kissed him just to bite his tongue.

Another chapter in an hour, if not, in a while.

Hop y'all ready and also, I need to go take a leak. bye, for now.