Efflorescence (Sequel)

Efflorescence Twelve

The smell of coffee wakes me up. Disoriented and hazy, I blink my eyes open. I don't remember falling asleep, but Alec and I were up onto the early morning talking. I told him about my insecurities - the way that I've lost myself - and I opened up to him all the things I'd closed off. He'd been open, too, apologizing for letting me get so lost, even if it wasn't his fault at all. But all the same, the tension that we'd broken our promises to each other, that we'd fallen so far apart hung in the air and clung to us throughout the night. 

Stretching, I look at the alarm clock and see it's nearly 10 am. Alec saunters into the room carrying a tray with coffee and oatmeal on it. Comfort food. I love this man. Smiling, he settles back into bed beside me, setting the tray on both of our laps. The tension binds around us in thin tendrils and I try to ignore it as best as I can. 

"Good morning babe," he breaks the early morning quiet, leaning forward and kissing me softly.

"You're pampering me," I muse, smiling softly and pulling the mug of coffee into my hands, soaking up the warm laziness of it.

"I missed you." He answers, reaching forward and pushing my messy bedhead out of my eyes.

I smile and take a small sip, leaning on the headboard and looking at my amazing Love. He's everything I could've ever asked for and then some, but why do things feel so off? 

"Are you in trouble? For missing your shows in France?" I ask, remembering that my supposedly well thought out plan had gone straight out the window. I'd been sure Alec would be smart and go to France despite my disappearance. I'd thought he wouldn't put his life on hold just because I'd decided to change course. But, so different from the kid he was when I first met him, he was too stubborn. He followed his emotions, sometimes to a fault, and had put his career on hold to wait for me.

"No, my manager handled it." I remember meeting his manager once. He was a strict man, but with a warm, soft side that always seemed open to Alexander. He'd taken him on as soon as the sponsors started lining up. And he hadn't looked back.

"Did you reschedule?" I manage around a mouthful of warm oatmeal, the taste of brown sugar and cinnamon melting in my mouth.

"Yeah, in two weeks." He explains, beginning to eat his own. We sit in silence, the morning breathing around us. Too soon, Alec stands and gathers our dishes.

"Speaking of managers, I'm meeting him for lunch to discuss some things. Think you'll be alright for a couple of hours?" He asks, and I hate that he has to. His words shatter the peaceful illusion that everything is alright, bringing forth that tension front and centre. Normally, it would've been a non-issue- him going away for a bit to handle work. Hell, it was more often than not me who was away working. I wonder idly how Catarina is holding up, knowing that I'm being cowardly and selfish by not returning to work today. But, tomorrow, I remind myself. I'll go back then.

"I'll be okay, you don't need to worry so much."

"I think I do, the last time you-" he cuts himself off, reading the guilt plastered on my face like written words. "Sorry. I'll stop mentioning it." His promise only fuels the remorse. It's a dark reminder that somehow, because of me, we're not okay. But there's nothing he should be sorry for. I deserve to be reminded of how foolish I am. I deserve to feel bad for hurting him the way I did, so unnecessarily.

"No, you're right. I'll be here, though. Promise." Offering me a sad excuse for a smile, he presses his warm lips to my forehead briefly before getting changed. He says goodbye with a swift kiss before he dances out of the room.