We Won't Give Up × Luke Hemmings

Is This Goodbye?

Vanessa’s P.O.V

“He has suffered a break in his tibia in his left leg, broken his radius in his left arm and fractured 6 of his ribs on the left side of his body.” The doctor explained, I was listening but I wasn’t really listening, I trusted that someone else was paying attention because I was in a daze staring at my little boy lying lifeless in a hospital bed. He must be in so much pain. I wish I could take it away somehow.

“And at the moment we’re still unsure to if he’ll wake up from the state he’s in. I don’t want to alarm you but there may be a chance he’ll never wake up. On top of his injuries I just listed he’s had a nasty blow to the head. As a doctor I have to think logically and make sure not to pass out false hope so I’m informing you as nicely as I can that you shouldn’t get your hopes up because everything is uncertain right now.” He says.

Hope never exists in my life anyway.

The Doctor continued to talk to Anne and Harry answering their questions and filling them in on the timetable, Jake has to go to surgery tomorrow morning if not sooner. They need to “assess the situation” so what that really means is they are going to have a poke around his brain and see if anything is wrong. The Doctor also mentioned earlier that there is a chance he might wake up and forget everything. Even me.

I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I lost Jake. I think I’d be able to cope if he forgot me but if he was to die I don’t know how I’d go on.

He’s all I have.

I need him.

I’ve already lost so much.

Why do bad things always happen to me? Why do I always lose at the game of life? Why am I always the one hurt and in pain? Why do I get a shitty life when people who have done much worse things than I have better life’s? I’ve never hurt anyone intentionally. Most of the time I’m a rather nice person. I’m caring and compassionate and always try to give back.

There are people who’d say no to some of the things I’ve said yes to, there are people who wouldn’t bother helping out a boy like James, there are people who’d use someone like Luke for their own personal gain and I’m not one of those people so what the hell have I done wrong? I may sound selfish but I don’t deserve all of this heartache.

Time passed but nothing changed, he didn’t even flinch or move in the most subtle way possible he just laid there connected to too many machines helping him breathe, checking his heart rate or pumping him with painkiller. People came in and people left but I stayed.

I’ll never leave again.

That’s why this happened. I kept leaving, he kept rebelling and then he went too far and now he’s close to dead and it’s all my fault.

I sat by his side holding the hand of his not broken arm in my hand securely, I have cried myself dry of any feelings and emotions so I just stare, I like to think that maybe if I stare long enough I’ll see his eyes open and I’ll be greeted with his vibrant green eyes that match mine but so far that hasn’t happen and any hope that I did have six hours ago seems to have been lost.

-

He was taken away in his wheelie bed off to surgery, I walked by his side as long as I could before I was told I couldn’t go any further. One of the surgical nurses Kelly said she’d come find me as soon as he’s out and I trusted she would so I let them take him away in the safe and capable hands of trained professionals. Now I wait.

Instead of sitting in an uncomfortable chair among sick people I moved to Tesh’s room and sat beside Jess in an uncomfortable chair by Tesh’s side. The tears never came to a halt as they fell from Jess’ eyes in a rapid motion, I would have joined in but there was nothing left to cry.