We Won't Give Up × Luke Hemmings

Keep Going.

“Because I keep leaving. I promised I wouldn’t and that’s what I keep doing.” I say sadly, this is all my fault if he wasn’t upset over me being a shitty sister he wouldn’t be acting out and befriending this Zack guy.

“Night, James.” I say and without another word I climb the stairs.

I knock on Jake’s door lightly “Go away!” He yells.

But I go in anyway, his room looks as though a bomb just hit it with clothes, rubbish and school books scattered everywhere and Jake’s sitting at the end of his bed with his head in his hands.

“Jake, I’m sorry.” I say.

“Do you know that it fucking sucks when you’re not here? Harry is great and at the moment James is being a dick but most of the time he’s great too but they’re not you, Vanessa. You’re my sister, you’re the only family I have left and you’re never fucking here anymore. You’ve either jetted off to visit Luke or your too busy working or doing band stuff to have time for me. You said that you weren’t going to leave me and what did you do? You left and more than once.” He begins to rant.

“And don’t you dare promise me you won’t leave ever again because you will. There will be another tour or Luke will miss you and you’ll run off to be with him and completely forget about us. James feels the same way but he’ll never tell you that and I bet Harry probably feel that way too. I miss you too, you know? Just as much as Luke does. Maybe I don’t miss you in the same way he does but I do miss you. I miss having our late night movie nights, making a mess of the kitchen while trying to cook and just hang out with you. We used to hang out all the time but now I only ever see you when we cross paths in the house, over the dinner table when you’re actually home for dinner or when we’re at soccer.” He continues.

It breaks my heart hearing this. I don’t want him to feel this way. I don’t want him to think I leave him because I want to leave him, I leave him to pursue my life long dreams and I’ve only visited Luke twice on this whole tour and the first time was planned without my knowledge and I came home early and the second time was to surprise Luke on his birthday. I’d do the same for Jake if he was the one overseas.

“Jake, I’m not leaving because I want to.” I say sadly.

“Then why do you fucking leave?” He say, he has the same abandonment issues as me I never thought that leaving for a week or two here and there would have such a devastating effect on him.

“It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember to be famous and successful in the music industry, and when a Nationwide Tour gets offered to me I’m sorry but I’m going to take it and you have got to understand by now that Luke means a lot to me and I don’t want to ever lose him so I’m going to go see him every once in a while.” I try explain.

“I see where I stand then, the second option to Mr Perfect.” He says angrily.

“No, that’s not what I mean.” I defend. That’s not what I mean at all.

“Don’t even bother just get out of my fucking room.” He yells, I just roll my eyes at his dramatic yelling and head out his bedroom door.

It’s a lost cause I’ll try again tomorrow.

Why can’t he see that I love him more than anyone on the planet? He’s always going to mean more to me than anyone. He’s the person who’s always been there for me since day one and he’s been my best friend for 16 years. Why can’t Jake see that he’s always option one? I do everything I do to benefit not only me but both of us. Where does he think all my money goes? All the money I work so hard for playing gigs and waiting tables doesn’t go straight to me half of my wages goes into a savings account for him, obviously money from gigs goes mostly to the band but anything I get goes half to me and half to Jake. I want him to have the life I never knew either of would get so I need to work hard to make that happen for the both of us. One day he’ll understand and realize how much I care.