Twilight

Chaotic Memory

You're my protector
My guide
My love
My home
You give me safety
And warmth
Love and care

And I dreamed
I had a nightmare
You betrayed me
Cut into me
Tried to hurt me
You adore the steel
The sharp cut of the blade
Yet this time I was the target
The one you wanted to erase
How could you?
I know it's not real
It seemed so surreal
You hated me
Wanted to see my blood
How could you?
It is just a dream
What's wrong
With me
Why can't I image
A much better place
You love me
You're my one and only.

Yet you betrayed me
Cut into me the seed of doubts
Broken heart
And shattered trust
How can I heal
When I'm so haunted.

You didn't care
You kept on and on
And now I saw an darker side
One that didn't see
All you wanted for me
Was to disappear
I'd be happier
If I just died and left.

At least that's how it seemed
The evil spectre
I envisioned
I know it really isn't you.
How could you?

I'm your own flesh and blood
Warmth and comfort is what I need
Now it's so cold I can't even see
Where you are
Are you smoking cigarette buts?
Is it the pain and the scars that keeps you hidden
Or is it the crystal flame you're inhaling in your lungs?
I've never popped pills
Found the bottom of the bottle
Or begged for thrills
I love you
Till the end of the world
And back
But now I'm a witness
And it's not leaving my mind
I can't think of anything without
Remembering the scars
On the wrist of the one
I saw as a god.

Still I care
And love you
You're the only one I've got
You can't be replaced
Oh Lord, oh Lord
Why aren't you here
When I need you.
I know the world is coarse
Painful and hard
But why won't you see me
Time and time again
I don't even know if you're in a grave or jail cell.
You're smarter
You're trying
It's truly a come back.

You love me I know that
Come see me please Mother?
Where are you
I want to hold you.
I'm young
Like a child
But I'm not an idiot or an outcast
I was there
I see it all
Like a vision of a broken life
It wasn't so bad
You still keep trying
For yourself.

I love you.

Why'd you hurt me.