Chapter Thirty-Eight

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He did promise last night that he is going to talk to me everyday and will try to come home as much as he can. He said he will be back for the Dear Eleanor premiere for sure.

Alexander shifts beneath me and I have to change my comfortable position a little. He clasps one of his hands in mine and I relax just as I was.

I feel him just as he bends his head down and places a kiss on my forehead. He does it quickly, then rests his chin on the top of my head. I don't care, though.

"Thank you." I can barely hear him whisper. I begin to get confused, and he doesn't say anything more. I'm not sure if I was supposed to hear him say that, but I did.

"For what?" I ask back, my voice muffled from being pressed against his chest.

He sighs, trying to possibly hold me tighter. "Everything." He answers back.

I hold my head up to stare at him, and his eyes are glossy as if in some sort of daze. "What do you mean?" I ask him, still confused.

He comes out of his daze a little and I lay my head back against his chest. "I have so many words that I can use to describe everything I've wanted to say to you for the last few years, but the main thing I can think of is 'thank you'. Isn't that weird?"

"No." I lie. I'm still confused by the whole situation.

"You've done so much for me. It's unbelievable. You waited for me to get all my shit together, and you've been there even when I felt like you weren't. You were just there. I know it might not make sense; it's just hard to explain. Through all the difficulties and things I messed up, you're here with me now. Doesn't that just seem amazing to you? It does to me. God, I must sound like some kind of lunatic or something right now. I'm not even sure what I'm saying; it's just really hard to explain and all I can say is thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for helping me find the person that I really wanted myself to be. Just thanks. I've always meant it when I say I don't deserve you. After all the times I've messed things for us, you're still here. You have never given up on us, no matter how badly you probably wanted to. No matter how much I hate to say it, I gave up on us those two years. Yet you didn't, and here we are. Thank you for being in my life, Isabelle. Thank you for not leaving me." He says, face contorted into all sorts of expressions.

I feel my cheeks get hot and I look downward. "Aw, Xander..." I say. I must sound like an idiot.

"I'm serious. You have no idea how astonishing it is to me how you're still here. You've put up with me all this time." He says again.

"Now you're making it sound like some sort of burden to be with you." I say with a weak smile.

"For a while, it probably was. And now it's my turn. I'm going to be there for you. I'm never giving up on us. I don't care if there comes a point where you just want to call it quits because I will always do my best to never let that happen. It's my turn to step up and actually prove how much I care about you." He says sternly.

"You're talking crazy. You've always done those things, you just may not realize that. I don't care what happened to us before, what matters is that we are here now. We're together. After all of that, I'm right here with you. I'm never going to leave, even if you want me to." I say with a laugh.

He sighs and stares at me, the slightest smile beginning to form on his lips. "I just love you so damn much. I can never lose you, never. I don't want you to be scared of what might happen to us in the future, because I want to prove to you that I'm always going to be here. I want you to realize now how in love I am with you. I don't care if we are thousands of miles apart, I'm always going to love you. Never forget that. I'm never going to stop loving you; I never have. It just took me a while to realize that. You are so amazing, Isabelle Fuhrman. It scares me how much I actually love you. It scares me how much I know you love me, because I know that you do. Who else would be with me after all that I've done to you? You are amazing, and gorgeous and I can't believe that you're actually mine. I love you so much."

I'm speechless when he finishes. God, he is so unbelievably perfect. And I know that people say "nobody is perfect". But all I can say is Alexander is as close that you can get to perfect. It should be illegal to love someone this much. He always knows the right thing to say all the time. He's so sweet and just downright perfect. Why is he with me? I'm a mess. Why would such a perfect guy like him want to be with a nerdy, seventeen year old girl like me?

I don't know why he ever chose me, and I probably never will.

I lean up and kiss him, softly at first but then it grows deeper and more passionate. The feelings that I get from him are so indescribable.

"I love you too. More than anyone in the world. I love you so much." I tell him.

He smiles against my lips and keeps his arms tightened around me. He kisses the top of my forehead and I snuggle back against his chest. I'm going to miss this.

"Promise me that you'll never stop being so perfect? No matter what." He mumbles.

I laugh a little into his chest. "I'm far from-"

"Promise?" he begs.

I sigh. "I promise."

This chapter was a mess I am so sorry! I felt obligated to update. Your comments after last chapter made me smile so much! I really didn't want to disappoint anyone after last chapter so I am so sorry if I did. I love you all so much like you don't even understand :) Even if you don't comment or vote, just seeing an extra read on my story means so much to me. Every little bit of feedback you give is amazing :) Thank you for everything. I actually planned on this being the last chapter BUT BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT I also planned on writing a pretty long epilogue. I haven't decided whether to include an extra chapter or go straight to the epilogue. So, I apologize for the messiness of this chapter and I guess I will update sometime tomorrow :) love you guys, thanks for everything.

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