I think if I wrote a list of all the reasons I regret answering that one text that one day when I was alone and depressed I would never be able to stop
I think if I tried to explain why you are a terrible person I would run out of words
But I don't think I'm mad at you
I'm mad at me
For believing the words that you texted
Cause you couldn't even stand talking to me
look me eye to eye
cause you would realize we where a lie
I can't believe that I let you in after finally taking my walls down
Thank you for reminding me I have depression
Of why I have depression
Of bringing back these late night talks with myself
The nights where I can not sleep because the idea of having a nightmare worse then I make my life out to be is terrifing
I live to go to school to escape the reality of my mind
But I am stuck there noticing you
Wishing my eyes would kill them selves
Cause they are still stuck on you
But I didn't realize how blind they where till now
I hate that I got so obsessed with the idea of someone loving me
I stoped being me
I tried being who you wanted
I tried to pretend I liked that you judge everyone you knew
now I can't stand how foolish I was
I was pathetic I was in love with how you moved
but every moved you made was away from me
you treated me like my mental health was a joke
like if I said I was depressed I could fix it with a smilie
you made me feel like my mental health was a joke
but you wouldn't smilie
I hate that I knew
I hate that I couldn't see how shitty you where
but yet I had the glasses to see
I will admit to the truth I talked shit about you
but in the end I always ran right back to you
I will admit to the truth there where times I put on the glasses
and thought about breaking up with you
but then in the end I saw you as a gift
cause when you came into my life
I felt secure
like I didn't need the glasses to see
like I could see
and I was happy with that
my anxiety went down
and I appreciated every second of that
I started this poem a week ago
I've gone through several phases on my opinion of you
I texted you to see who you where
I cried the whole night cause I finally saw
my eyes went red
my head felt as if it was in hell
but thats not what got to me
the next day my friend
the sweetest person I know
got called a hoe
by you and your friends
my friend who was helping a kid
my friend who covers her ears at the sound of a cuss word
my friend who refuses to hate people no matter what they do
got called a whore and a slut by you and your friends
the sad part is
you don't even know her name
that is when I saw 100% clearly glasses in all
I created a person in my head to be you
and you did the same to me
our relationship was a Lie
the only thing is
your still as fake as can be
and I realize one day someone will do this to you
And you will be the one sorry
I stil hate me for ever loving you
for my moms words to be true
but I have one last thing to say to you
and thats
fuck your
you*
