crash - muke / cake

leaving

song of the chapter - wait for life emile haynie

two months ago, 15 years old, summer

This body traps me like I'm in a cage at a freak show. I wonder if I were to be exposed to someone I would scare them away. Would they be disappointed the moment they saw me? Shocked? I live in a constant underlying fear that my body will expire before I do so I try not to think about it. I try to keep my thoughts stagnant but I can't help that the bars on my cage are always there; always in my line of vision. This, I cannot ignore.I wake up half past three, always careful to give myself enough time to get ready to leave for the airport. It's been happening for three months now; flying across the state to New York City for medical appointments every three weeks. I wait a few moments before getting out of bed, immediately enveloped with a sudden coldness and I just want to go back to bed.I tug on some jeans and my go-to white v-neck and drag my tired body into the bathroom. I got ready quickly so I would have time to do a few lines of Xanax before going to the airport. 3:57. I called out for my mom, "Mom, I'll be in the car," before grabbing my headphones and my wallet, sneaking a bar in as an afterthought. I never got caught anyway. Shortly after I get in my mom's white Rav4, she climbed in. It took me ten minutes to realize that I'd forgotten to take my (perscribed) pills. "Mom," I started softly, not wanting to irritate her, "do you have my pills with you?""Why didn't you take them before we left?" I sighed. "I forgot." She raised an eyebrow at me, "They're in my purse. I wish you'd be more responsible, Luke.""Yeah, me too." I uttered under my breath. "And that you'd stop mumbling," my mother said, taking a right turn. I sighed, staring out the window into the black four AM sky, the only light being my mom's headlights shining on the empty road. 4:29. We reached the airport and I walked mindlessly to security, not really waiting for my mom, just kind of strolling, letting the high from the pills guide me to where I was going. Ease. I didn't really care that she would be offended by me leaving her behind, I didn't check behind me until it was almost my turn in security. It was then that I realized at only fifteen, I still needed her to show her ID for me. Of course she was a few people behind me. Of course. So I went to her and we continued until it was over and she went to get a coffee while I sat at the same gate it always was, the five-forty-five flight to the JFK Airport, New York City. And so we were off.You would think this is where the story begins. Me, going through my many plastic surgeries, a followup to a childhood trauma. But no, it doesn't. It starts with a boy. My best friend, in fact. His name was Michael, and my feelings for him were as confusing as all the decisions I had to make that early in life. Complicated. I often wonder what would have happened if I never let him go.
hello ppl!! I'm continuing Softmuke's story so no i didn't steal it this is an agreement we have made. Enjoy!!