Castle: The 10 Missing Years

"Kevin!? Where's Kevin!?" I yell at the doctors. I don't know why I've been shot 3 times or why they keep telling me I just told them I just saw a murder, but I need to know where Kevin is. "Who is Kevin you came here alone, with 3 gunshot wounds saying you just escaped the people who you saw murder someone and they shot you." "I don't remember any of that where is Kevin. Kevin O'Reilly, he's my boyfriend. Where is he? Last I remember we were walking together then I was here in the hospital." They give me a weird look. "Can you tell us your name?" "It's Jana O'Connell." "What is the year?" "2003." Their eyes widen and they look at each other. "We'll be right back." They leave and I have this sinking feeling in my stomach. I've been shot 3 times my head is pretty banged up and it looks like i've went through 10 rounds with champion boxer. I hear them talking on the phone "Yes she came in saying she saw a murder, but the thing is after we operated on her to save her life from the gunshots she thinks it's 2003, ten years ago. And she keeps asking for a Kevin O'Reilly that we haven't been able to contact. The adress she has for him has been torn down the phone number is no longer exsistant, we don't know what to do." "..." "Alright we'll wait for the Detectives to get here. What are their names so we know it's them?" "..." "Okay thank you Captain." They hang up and come to me. "Jana we have something to tell you that might be upsetting." "Let me guess I've lost the last 10 years of my life and people are trying to kill because I saw a murder I don't remember. Yeah I got that, so when are the Detectives getting here." They look at me shocked. "How did you know that?" "You talk loudly on the phone." They just nod. "Looking for Nurse Granger." "In here Detectives." They walk in. I see them. "Thank god Kevin you're okay!" He looks like he's seen a ghost. He looks at the other guy. "Ryan you know her?" "Ryan? His name is Kevin O'Reilly." the tan man just looks at Kevin confused. "Kev wanna explain that?" Kev just drags him by the arm outside. I hear them whispering. "Bout ten years ago I went undercover as Kevin O'Reilly for a year. I met her. We were kinda in love. In the end I had to break her heart by telling her I'm a cop and my name is Kevin Ryan not Kevin O'Reilly. Thing is they said she thinks it's still 2003 the year I was O'Reilly." "Bro what are you gonna do?" "I don't know Javi. I can't break her heart again by telling her, but we need her to remember the last 10 years so she can tell us about the murder she witnessed and why she was shot 3 times." "Cool it bro. You just be Kevin O'Reilly for a bit get her to remember then I'll take her statement." "Okay." They come back in to me crying and staring at Kevin. "You're a cop, and your name is really Kevin Ryan not Kevin O'Reilly?" I basicly sob out. His face falls. "You heard that?" I nod. Javi says "Well so much for not breaking her heart again bro." Javi then looks at Kevin and sees Kevin's face of heartbreak. Javi pulls out his phone and walks out and far enough away I can't hear him. Kevin comes and sits next to me. "I'm so sorry Jana. I wish it wasn't true. I wish I really was Kevin O'Reilly, but I'm not. I'm sorry about breaking your heart again eventhough you can't remember the first time. I'm sorry we couldn't have met while I wasn't undercover. My life may not have been real but my feelings were." I just wipe my tears. "I'm not gonna cry. I can't remember but I'm pretty sure i've cried enough tears over you already." I sigh. "I want to remember why I was shot but i just can't." "That's why we're here Miss O'Connell we're going to bring you to the precint and try to help you remember." "Well I know his name and you know my name but who are you?" "Detective Javier Esposito." "Please to meet you. So shall we go?" I have a bandage on my leg, one on my arm, and wrapping around my abdomin from the shots, and a big one around my head. I have plenty of brusies everywhere else. They roll me out in a wheelchair. With my crutches I hobble to their car. I just stare out the window and look at the city that has changed since I last remember it, as we drive. I sigh as we pull up to the 12th precint. I get out of the car and hobble into the bullpen. I get weird looks but I ingore them. I sit down and I put my head in my hands as Kevin Ryan not O'Reilly tells the Captain, the other lady, and the other man all about me and him and the hospital. I just sigh as the lady comes over. "Hello Jana i'm Detecive Kate Beckett, we're gonna help you remember." "I doubt it but I'm willing to give it a try because the faster I remember the faster I can get over Kevin O'Reilly again and move on with my life and get as far away from here as I can." She just gives me a pity look, then looks back at Kevin. "Ryan you tell her anything else besides your real name and that you're a cop?" "I don't know if she ever knew about Jenny or me getting married or about my divorce." She nods and looks back at me. I sigh. "Nothing I remember almost nothing." "Well tell us everything you remember." "I have flashes. I remember a fist coming at my face, and the shots now. And I remember I was trying to get here because I knew Kevin was a cop. I remember everything about Kevin from the last ten years now. I don't remember my own life though or the murder or why they shot me or beat me up." "So you're saying you only remember you interactions with Ryan for the past ten years?" I nod and look to Kevin who looks pained. he sighs and asks "Do you think it would help you remember if I took you to places we've been together in the past ten years?" "Maybe since I only remember about things that happened with you." He sighs. "Kate?" "yeah bring Espo, but Espo hang back behind them don't let the sight of you distort her memories." They nod and we go to the park. "We met here when I first told you my name and that I was a cop, we also met 7 years ago when I asked if I could use your last name as my undercover last name in the Irish mob." "I remember that. I was still sad over you but I had forgiven you and got a new job and new apartment. I remember those three years!" He smiles and I'm sucked into the memory. "Jana I... I have something I have to tell you." "What is it Kev, whatever it is I'm still gonna love you." "I don't think so. Well... Jana I'm not really Kevin O'Reilly." "Of course you are who would you be otherwise?" "My real name is Kevin Ryan and I'm a cop. I've been (Tears start on both faces) undercover for the past year. I lied to you about who I am." "How... How could you?" "I wasn't supposed to meet you and fall in love with you Jana... but I did. I never meant to hurt you." "But you did. I... I think I should go... I'll.... I'll try to find you if I ever forgive you... or if you need me... well you're a cop you can find me." Crying heavily I walk away from a sobbing Kevin Ryan not O'Reilly. I come out of it crying. "I remember our conversation we had here when you told me you're a cop. You told me you never meant to hurt me and that you loved me. You were sobbing when I walked away." He nods and sighs. "I think we should go to the next spot we met 5 1/2  years ago, while I was still in Narcotics." I nod. I get helped up and we keep walking. We are at a diner. I gasp "I remember this place. I was supposed met you one night, it was raining. I can't remember why though?" "You wanted to meet me. You had something to tell me, but I never showed up that night. I never found out why. That was 5 1/2 years ago. Do you remember why you wanted to meet me?" I sigh and shake my head. We sit down at a booth I remember sitting at. I'm pulled into the memory. I was sitting in diner watching the rain waiting for Kevin to show up. I hope to god he doesn't stand me up. I have to talk to him, he has to know, he has to know about the trouble i've been in. I need his help professionally. I look at the clock. He's 2hrs late. I sigh and order another Hot tea. I sigh and look at the clock again. I don't think he's coming. I just hope I don't end up dead because I couldn't get out. I gasp and look at Kevin. "I was in trouble of somekind and I need your professional help. I remember hoping I wouldn't end up dead because I couldn't get out and you didn't show after 6hrs." He pales. "You were in trouble?" "Yes. I can't remember why but I was in deep so deep I needed your help." "I should have showed up. I wasn't even busy I was just so afraid to see you after so long. I was a coward and you needed me and I wasn't there for you. Again." I sigh "It's alright." I suddenly see numbers and a book and a name. I quickly write the numbers down on a napkin. I ask "Do you know the name Kieron O'Doyle?" Kevin pales and nods. "He's the son of the famous Sullivan O'Doyle the biggest Irish Drug lord in the United States, he's got small branching groups all over, we took down Bobby S.'s here in New York." "Well I think it has something to do with him, these numbers, and this book. All I saw was the cover it was all black and had a four leaf clover right in the middle of it and nothing else, but it seemed super important" Kevin asks "Did you say a four leaf clover?" "Yes." "Oh god." "What?" "We need to get you into witness protection right away." "Why?" "That black book with the four leaf clover on it is the ledger of everyone who works or worked for Sullivan O'Dolye, his sons Kieron and Duggan, and his daughter Zaira." "What happened to them?" "Duggan, Zaira, and Sullivan were all killed in a house fire set by a rival family. Kieron had been sent out to get something from the store so he wasn't home, though he was supposed to be. He took over everything. He had a taste for women who looked like his sister, and were smart. Just like you. He usually didn't keep them around long before they misterously ended up dead filled to the brim with a rivals product." "And you think that the reason I was in trouble was because of him?" "Well if he just had you around to work with the book and be his side entertainment then yes I think that's why you were in trouble." "Do you think I could see a picture of him it might spark something?" "We can get you one at the station." I nod and we head to the station. He pulls up a picture of Kieron O'Doyle. "He kinda looks like you Kevin, alot. I can see why I would be with him. And I remember why I was around him. We went on a blind date, I ended up finding his little book and saw numbers. I started going through them and noticing some descripences. He caught me and was gonna kill me but when I told him what I found he kept me around. I wanted out when I wanted to come to you. I think I stuck it out though because I recoginze the number. It's his account number and it's recent you can tell by the date in the last numbers of it. Just two weeks ago I think." They both bring it to Kate and they look it up. It comes back as two weeks ago he transfered a big sum of cash to someone. I see the account number. "It can't be... Can it?" "What?" "That number it belongs to Sullivan O'Dolye's old hitman. He retired years ago, before I met Kieron. I met him when he visited because he owed some money and couldn't pay it. He said he'd have it in a week, and he did and I noticed a murder in the news." They nod. "But he died 3years ago. I remember going to his funeral with Kieron. Kieron was so sad because he was the last person alive that was best friends with his dad." They nod. Kevin asks "You remember 3years ago?" "Yes. I remember when you told me you made Detective you were so happy. And when you got your new partner and you were so worried that he hated you. And when you told me about a girl named Jenny you just started dating. That's as much as I remember right now. And my head hurts I think I need to sleep." Javier looks at Kevin "You told her you thought I hated you?" "Well you were rather distant." "I got a question though Kev if you talked to her three years ago why did you look like you'd seen a ghost when you saw her?" "Because I only ever talked on the phone with her once in a while since 7 years ago. After I told her about Jenny I never spoke to her again." "Why?" "She told me to never talk to her agian. She sounded so upset when she did. I asked why and she said it was for my own protection. Then she hung up." "I remember that. Kieron was getting angry at me talking to another man on the phone and he didn't know who it was. I cut you out of my life to protect you because I still loved you, no matter what, until the wheels fall off." I sigh. "But I remember something now but I'm not sure if it's a real memory or one my brain made up to make my heart move on." "What was it?" "I saw in the paper your wedding announcement to Jenny." "I... Javi?" "He got married to Jenny a year ago and 8 months later they got divorced." "Really?" "Yes. She couldn't handle being a cops wife and she had some other reasons..." "What were the other reasons?" "I spend too much time hanging out with Javier, and the main reason..." "And what main reason?" He sighs "She couldn't take my constant trying to keep tabs on you, and make sure you were okay, she said I was still too in love with you to really be hers." "I caused your divorce?" "No! No you didn't cause my divorce, I guess we just weren't meant to be." "Did you just say she thought you were still too in love with me to be hers?" "Yeah..." "It's alright I still love you Kevin. I'm sure I always will... but I have to remember the last year, more importantly the last few weeks." I sigh. "I don't remember where I live and I really don't want to sleep in a cell... Is there a place I can go to sleep at?" Kevin lets me stay at his place for a week and I still don't remember anything, and my wounds have all healed. I can't stand being so close to kevin all the time and know that he'll never be mine or love me ever again. I sigh and ask "Is there another place I can stay I feel like I'm imposing on Kevin?" Kevin is just about to say something but Javier says "You can stay with me at my place tonight." I nod. "Thank you." He just nods. Javier basicly carries me to his car and sets me in it. He drives me to his apartment. I smile at how cozy it is. He hands me a big t-shirt and says "You can wear this for pjs if you don't want to sleep in your clothes." I nod. I go change into just the t-shirt and my panties. The t-shirt comes to my thighs and it looks sexy on me. I come out and his mouth drops. He clears his throat and says "You can have my bedroom I'll sleep on the couch." "I'm not going to let you sleep on your couch. It's your place you can sleep in your own bed. I'll take the couch, just like I did at Kevin's." "I'm not going to let you sleep on the couch." "You do realize i'm Irish? That means I'm super stubborn and will sleep on the floor if I have to." He sighs "Please just take the bed." "No." "Take the bed." "No. I can do this all night if I have to." "Then what do you suggest we do? I won't let you have the couch and you won't let me sleep on it." I think for a sec and glance back at his full sized bed. "Well... The bed is big enough for us both to fit on it." "I'm not going to share the same bed with you it'll hurt kev if he finds out." "Well i'm not going to tell him are you?" He sighs and shakes his head. He goes into the bedroom. He strips down to his boxers with his gun on the nightstand and slips into bed. I climb in next to him. "Why is your apartment so cold?" "It's not." "Well I'm freezing." he hesitates then he scoots up close to me and wraps his arms around me. I turn and lay my head on his bare chest. I run my hand up and down his abs. "You are very fit." He is breathing heavy. "I... uh... I work out alot." "I can tell. You are very attractive Javier, very much so." "I thought you love and are attracted to Kevin?" "I do. But I find you very very sexy as well. I'm thinking that I want some latino heat tonight if you know what i mean..." I run my hand over the bulge in his boxers and he goans. "I can't do that to Kevin." "He did that to me. He knew how much I still loved him yet he went and married that bitch Jenny. I knew she didn't really love him, I told him that and he told me he loves her and was going to marry her anyway. That's why I told him to stay the fuck outta my life. That was a year ago. I didn't think it would've been a good thing to say that in the station that I remembered it." This whole time I've been rubbing my hands up and down his hot body and breathing on his neck while I talk. "Kevin... Kevin would... would never... do that... hes not... like that" He's breathing hard over my touching him. "Oh he did and I bet he's even lied to you about things too. He never told you about me, or being Fenton O'Connell did he? No.. hmmm.. I wonder what else he's been hiding?" Javi finally just growls and kisses me to shut me up. It's like hot lava flowing through my body. I moan. He flips us so he's on top. "I'm going to make you scream using that fucking perfect mouth of yours." He kisses me again and I moan when he bites my neck and leaves a hickey there. He strips me of the t-shirt. He stops and stares at my body "You're so perfect... Kevin doesn't fucking know how much I wanted to punch him all week after finding out everything he did that hurt you." "JUST FUCK ME ALREADY!" He growls and rips my panties off and pulls his boxers off. He quickly rolls on a condom and pushes into me. I moan. Oh god he's huge. "Woah your fucking huge." I finally adjust to his size. "Make love to Javi, show me that you're the one that deserves my love not Kevin. Make me love you... not the man who takes us both for granted every damn day." He makes slow sweet love to me. He stares into my eyes the whole time. He kisses me when we climax together. He colaspses on me. I just run my hands up and down his now scratched to hell back lazily. He kisses me again and pulls out of me. He ties the condom and throws it into the trash. He slides back in bed with me and pulls me close. I lay my head back on his chest. His hand his lazily stroking my bare back. I kiss him again slowly and filled with all the love for kevin that Kevin never wanted or acknowledged. I fall asleep naked pressed up against a naked Javier with his arms wrapped around me protectively. I come to with voices yelling in the Kitchen. I sit up and notice I'm still naked. I smile and start to get dressed. I find my destroyed panties that Javi ripped off me last night. Damn. I pull out a clean pair of his boxers and pull on a new t-shirt of his. I know I have sex hair. I yawn and walk out. I see a clad in only boxer Javi and a full clothed seething Kevin. They don't see me until I wrap my arms around Javi from behind and kiss his scratches. "Morning Javi, and sorry bout your back." He turns around to see me in his boxers and different t-shirt. He smiles and wraps his arms around me. He leans down and kisses me. "Morning. And my back's fine." I smile. "As long as my nails didn't hurt too bad, but the hickey you gave me hurts like hell." Kevin clears his throat. I look around Javi's arm "Yes Detective Ryan?" He looks both hurt and pissed as hell by me calling him Detective Ryan. I watch as his eyes catch the scratches on javi's back and takes in our apperances and our morning kiss. Now he just looks heartbroken and betrayed. Exactly how I've felt for so many years. He just turns and walk out the door. "Ryan...? Kevin...? Please don't leave bro?" Kevin just sighs and says "I'll see you at the precint Espo." Javi looks hurt by that. So i'll have to fix that. I silently go get dressed. I come out with clean clothes for Javier. I dress him as he's in a daze. "Javi honey do you wanna talk about it?" "It's all your fault." "I know i'm sorry javi, I'll talk to him. He shouldn't be acting like this. He doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me." Javi sighs and pulls me onto his lap. He kisses my neck then my mouth. I moan and kiss back. I'm now straddling Javi. "We gotta get to the station." "Mmm" He's too busy kissing and nipping my neck. I pull back and get off his lap. "We have to go talk to Kevin." He sighs and stands up. He wraps his arms around me "If he says he still loves you and wants you will you leave me and go back to him?" "I don't know. I still love Kevin very very much. I gave up looking for the one when I met him I thought he was it, but I was wrong. I just... I don't know." He nods. "I hope that you know what you're going to say to him when we get there." "I do." We arrive at the station. I have makeup covering the hickey. We see Kevin in the side room that only him and Javi only ever really use. We go in there and Kevin has tears on his face and he asks me "Why?" I sigh and sit down. "You don't love me and don't acknowledge my love. Javi does." Kevin says "Do you really think I don't love you and that I don't know you think you love me?" "I know you don't and I know you know I love you and always will." "Javier can you give us a minute?" Javi nods and leaves. Kevin comes up to me and kisses me hard. He sticks his tongue in my mouth and feels me up with his hands. I see fireworks and feel something explode inside me. I kiss back just as much. I moan when he starts to nibble my neck on the other side of where Javi did. "I love you Jana O'Connell and I always will. I never got over you. That's why I always called you or kept tabs on you. Jenny was right when she said I was too much in love with you still to really be hers." I sigh and just lay my head on his shoulder. "I don't know what to do Kevin. I really love you and always will but I love Javier now too and he hasn't hurt me the way you have. He loves me and shows me that. You've just kept hurting me over and over." "Then why when you were in trouble were you running to me?" "Because no matter how much you hurt me and break my heart I'll always love you until the wheels fall off." "I think they already did." I sigh. "Kev if you truely love me you have to let me go. You have to let me move on and love and be with Javier." "But I love you and he's my best friend." "And he always will be. He's just as hurt that you left without talking to him as you are of him loving me. You need to let me go and forgive Javi. He won't hurt me and he'll protect me. You've already moved on once now it's my turn." "But I never fully moved on." "I never moved on at all, you did, if you know I'm safe and being taken care of will you still need to keep tabs on me and ruin your own relationships over it?" "No... but I'll always love you." "And I you, but we need to move on. We have to because I remember everything now, and once I walk out this door it'll be final. So either make me stay with you forever or let me go so I can find my own life that doesn't revolve around you." He's crying. "I love you so much. I've been carrying this around since the day after i saw you in the hospital. I bought it for you back when I was Kevin O'Reilly. I was hoping you would have accepted me as Kevin Ryan after I told you the truth, but you left so I just put it in the back of my closet." He pulls out a dusty ring box and drops down to one knee. "Jana Jaden O'Connell will you make me the happiest man in the Universe and marry me?" I'm smiling, and crying at the same time. I just give him my left hand and he places the ring on it. He kisses me and we lean our forheads together. "I promise I will never hurt you again. I promise I'll always love you until the wheels fall off." I just smile and kiss him. "We have to tell javi." "No need I saw. I know how much you both love each other. I won't stand in the way of that." "Thank you Javier." I hug him tight and kiss his cheek. He sighs and looks at kevin. "This mean we good bro?" "Yeah we good. Javi will you be my best man?" He just does a sad smile and nods. "Yeah man. I'll be your best man." I smile and kiss Kevin. I go and tell everything from the murderers to me being shot. They arrest the men and I'm safe. Kevin and I get married in the fall our favorite season. Lanie Parish was my maid of honor, and Kate Beckett was my bridesmaid along with Alexis Castle. Kevin's best man was Javier, and his groomsmen were Richard Castle and one of his brother in laws, I for the life of me can't remember which one because they both kinda look like each other to me. Our song is Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds. In both our vows we said "I will always love you until the wheels fall off." I smiled at that. We had a red velvet cake with buttercream icing. Right now we are at the doctor's office. "Mr. and Mrs. Ryan?" We go and they put the cold stuff on my tummy. "Well congradulations it's twins." I smile at Kevin. "Boys? Girls? Both?" "both" "Kev can we name them Javier Richard and Lanie Kathrine Ryan?" "Of course." He smiles and kisses me. We head to the station. I smile big at everyone. Javi asks "So?" "Javier Richard and Lanie Kathrine Ryan." kate asks "One of each?" "Yes." Javi asks "You're gonna name a white Irish kid Javier?" I smile and laugh "of course unless you'd rather have him named Richard Javier?" "No. No Javier Richard is much better." I just smile and hug him. I pull Kevin and Javier into the side room. "Wait here I gotta go grab Lanie." I grab Lanie and pull her to the room. Me and Kevin look at them. "Kevin and I were wondering..."  "...If you two would be our twins godparents?" They look surprised then smile. "of Course bro." "I would love to." We smile and hug them. Kevin brings me home. Finally the babies are born and we get to watch them grow up a little at a time.