Under the Gray Willow Tree

Chapter 33

Trust me when I say that these cartoon characters are not exactly that easy to draw. It's actually quite hard to draw a nice and not retarded version of them.

I can't exactly recall when I started reading manga – which are Japanese comics – or watching anime – which are Japanese cartoons – but they are definitely more interesting than most cartoon shows on TV. But maybe that's only me. Because I have been watching reruns of the same show for so long already.

I mean, sure there are a couple of nice shows – such as reality shows and game shows and drama series – but they are not really my taste, not really my type of shows. Thus, this is where manga and anime comes in. There are so many different types of them, that you can pick and choose your favourite genre and the ideal plot for yourself.

My favourite anime so far is 'Kaichou wa Maid Sama'.

I wish I knew how to play an instrument as well, instead of just draw. I mean, sure I have learnt the basics of the guitar and keyboard before, but they're not enough to actually play a song. Heck, I don't even have an instrument in my apartment! So I ended up downloading songs into my iPod, more than I already have.

My favourite types of songs are praise and worship songs. They're songs are so rejuvenating, especially the ones by Hillsong and Planetshakers. They just make your spirit feel so alive! Those people who are involved in the music ministry in church or those people who always does praise and worship will know what I mean.

And...

I honestly have no idea what to do around the house these few days. I am just too free for my own good. There's pretty much nothing to do anymore. Especially when you are cooped up in your small apartment. There's nothing much to do in a mall without a friend to accompany you either. But then again, shopping is not in me.

Honestly speaking, I think that I'm just too lonely for my own good.

I try to keep myself busy by learning new things. That mostly are related to creativity and art, like sewing and designing. Or reading new books that I have found interesting in the school library. Or my small collection of books that I never knew I had.

And by doing so – reading, I mean – I found out that I really enjoy reading inspirational books, especially 'Chicken Soup'. It's really touching and I can never really get enough of it. And it's just way too... Well... Inspirational!

I have never been a bookworm, and I'm never one for gossips or celebrities talk and magazines and... Yeah... You get the idea. So, I just randomly pick out a book at the bookstore – or library – read the blurb at the back, and decide if that book is worth reading or not.

Aside from that, I decided to try and become bold and join my church's youth group. But I don't really participate in the games and stuff they hold. I don't want to stand out and all. I just do that so that I won't be too free during too the weekends.

But seeing as I just joined – and by 'just joined', I mean just joined – I haven't really made any friends yet. And I don't really participate in all the active activities as well, so it might be harder to make friends, but I guess when the time comes, I will make some new friends.

But despite all the effort to make myself as busy as possible, I still feel too lonely, too left out. Despite all these, I still have too much time up my sleeves. And I only ever do one thing when I am very free and very bored.

Think.

When I think, I think about a lot of different things. From school to Art to music to books. Heck, I even think about sports sometimes even though I hate it.

But there is only one particular thought that will always recur to my mind every so often. It's about the one thing – or rather, one person – who has somehow managed to make me feel my most happy and most hurt and most loss of all.

And no, it's not my family and how they unwillingly left me alone. No. It's actually pretty far from that, but at the same time, pretty close. But this person left me alone willingly, not unwillingly like my family.

And his name is Gray.

But the more I try to think about something else, the more hurt I feel. And the more insecure I feel. And the more I realise that I am in such a vulnerable position myself. All alone. And furthermore, I am a girl.

I also feel very... Weird.

It's just a weird feeling that comes to me every so often. Just a selected number of times during selected times of the day. But the timing and the days are so erratic. I cannot predict when I am going to feel that way.

It's as if the still small voice inside of me is trying to tell me something.

I wonder what's that feeling called. But I'm pretty sure that there's a word for that in the Oxford dictionary. I just can't seem to find it in my mind –

Wait a second! I just remembered that word! And it fits my situation so perfectly.

I always feel like I am being...

Watched...

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Liked it?? Haha! I'll try to update as soon as possible! Oh, and if any of you want something lame and funny to read, I recommend you my collaboration with another friend. It's in the external link. Please check it out kay?