"It's like he's at the top of a cliff, and I'm tied to a rope that he's holding from the top. I'm trying to climb my way to where he is, but he's distracted or irritated or something, and he lowers the rope ever so slightly. He keeps lowering and lo...
Did he know her? I never found out, and that's not necessarily the point. Somehow I already made up my mind about who Alex was: an introverted, lonely geek. Why was I so quick to assume that if I didn't know him either? Was it just because of his reputation? I had done the same thing I accused him of: I judged him before I even got to know him. How naive was I to think he wouldn't have any friends or acquaintances or a girlfriend? Looking at him now though, how he's changed into Alejandro, I laugh at how innocent I thought he was. Maybe Alejandro was just dying to escape from the confines of his body, and I stupidly, unconsciously helped him do it...
***
I shut down my computer. Mary has taken over Emily's job of coercing me into going to Alejandro's party. I pretend to listen and nod along, although I'm just trying to book it to my car. All I hear at school now is Alejandro this and Alejandro that and I can't take it anymore. People are more fake to me now that they know I'm his friend (am I still his friend?).
It's not some frat party or cheap college drinking binge kind of party either, this one's important, sophisticated. It's being held by the company that's working with him on his new program, the one that's paying him millions. It's to celebrate his—their—great success on the launch. He told me there was going to be some surprise announcement that no one knows about.
He's been talking about it for weeks, trying to figure out what to wear, what to say during his toast to his guests. He's been telling me I'm going to be so surprised at the announcement, but that I'll love it. He invited so many people from our class, even Adrian, although mostly out of spite I'm sure. He wants them to see how he won, how he proved everyone wrong and actually amounted to something. He really has them fooled too, like Mary and Emily parading around proud of their invitation to the most exclusive party. They don't even know it's an insincere request for their presence. He's spiteful and almost vengeful now, and it's not a good color on him. It makes me sad.
Even my parents are obsessed with Alex, and constantly badger me with questions, especially 'when are we going to be an official couple?' We aren't even "unofficial" to begin with. Come to think of it, I'm not even safe at home, so I decide to walk to the cafe on the other side of campus. The one that has the tables and chairs that are always empty because the coffee's not so great. I still go because I got used to the coffee there and I've grown to like it, even prefer it. I mostly like the familiar setting, this place is the only thing that seems to have stayed the same...
***
Alex brought me my latte after a few minutes and I notice he got the same.
"You like chai lattes?" I asked, my eyebrows raised. He took a sip of the spicy drink.
"I like trying new things," he said simply. He said it tasted good, then opened up his laptop, giving me the most up close and personal view of his stickers I've ever had; it surprised me, and somehow I felt like I was invading his personal space.
"So, VSEPR theory?" He stated, turning his computer so I could see his screen. I blinked as his stickers faded out of view.
"What?" I frowned at him, confused as to why the hell he was talking about chemistry.
"Oh, is that not what you're confused about?" Alex blushed and sunk back into his seat. Oh shit. I told him I needed help with chem!
"Oh sure, well actually, I need help with, uh, electron configuration." His smile grew as he got settled in the topic. I took out my notebook so I could show him my homework problems. He relaxed again and I noticed he was as awkward as me. That comforted me.
"The easiest way to fill orbitals is to look at the Periodic Table, all you need is right there!" He pointed to things and circled things and wrote things that I actually kind of did understand now that he was explaining it, even though I didn't even really need help before. I felt bad for wasting his time but it was nice to spend time with someone that wasn't Mary or Emily or even Jake. I quickly forgot about the touchy encounter I had with Adrian and Alex the Friday night before, although it was still in the back of my mind.
Although, sometimes he'd ask a question and I'd be too busy staring at him and his features to listen. You know when you're getting to know someone and you just look them over and study them because they're new? That's what I was doing.
He continued, "Now for the valence electrons, they're just the electrons on the outermost shell. And you can find that by looking at the group number. So, hydrogen, lithium, sodium, and so on only have one valence electron. Just one odd guy out." He chuckled to himself as if it was a clever inside joke.
"Yeah, I can relate," I blurted. He looked up from his computer screen, pushed his glasses back, and relaxed his face.
"What do you mean?"
Realizing that my internal thoughts somehow made their way out of my mouth, I took a gulp from my latte to try to avoid my comment. Alex didn't let it go, he was always like that. He never shrugged off anything I said. He never let me feel like I wasn't important.
"You are not the odd guy—woman—out. You're like the most popular girl in school!" He hollered, throwing his hands up for emphasis. I shushed him because the barista turned around. I pulled on my ponytail a bit to tighten it. He smiled shyly.
"Doesn't mean I fit in with everyone, I don't relate to any of them," I murmured. It was the first time I said that out loud, to anyone, and I decided to say it to Alex Flores. "I could say the same about you, you know," I added a little louder this time.
"No, I am not the most popular. Maybe most talked about, but not most popular. Everyone just knows me because they think I'm some super genius or something; I'm a novelty they can take advantage of," he rolled his eyes. He turned bitter in seconds, and I knew he was talking about Adrian. As much as I wanted to dive into that topic, I felt bad for him and didn't want to use him to get gossip or info. I didn't even know if he wanted to be my friend, and I didn't want to tarnish whatever image he has of me. In fact, I wanted to fix it.
"Oh please," I chuckled, trying to move away from his last comment and tease him a bit. "You can't deny your super-genius powers. You know it's not fair to the rest of us." I pointed to myself to prove my point. He smiled again, and it warmed my heart to be able to get him to smile. Usually whenever I saw him he was always contemplative, or upset, but happy was a good look on him.
"Hell no! Don't disregard all the work I have to do to get the grades I have." He sighed, and somehow I got the feeing he didn't just mean extra homework problems or office hours.
"I won't," I smiled at him. That's where I began to respect him and not because of his impeccable academic record. I didn't stare at him because I thought he was weird. No, I saw him as a decent person I wanted as my friend. I was surrounded by people who were fake or imposters or indecent. You know those people you meet that you think, "It would be so cool to be his friend?" That was Alex. This is when I wanted to be his friend. Now in this moment, how we was. Alex was a beautiful flower among thistles.
Now, people acknowledge and admire him because he's rich and famous and handsome. He morphed into what they wanted because he wanted to be wanted. I guess I wasn't enough. They don't even know the real him.
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