Inner Turmoil and Poems

Just a Freak

I'm just a freak I don't understand how or why anyone could want or love me they shouldn't I'm just one of the world's many mistakes I wish I was never born I don't know why I can't stop feeling like this I mean I've been doing good feeling some semblance of contentment maybe even happiness but here it is again this feeling I can't seem to fight it I mean no matter what it just keeps coming back I guess that means it's true I mean look at my history it's obvious I'm just a dirty whore I don't deserve all this I should be beat and put down I'm such a horrible person I wish I could just die but no that would be way to easy mistake freak fat ugly that's what I am those are the words to best describe me of course can't forget dirty rotten whore and slut and piece of shit I deserve this hell I don't understand why I am being loved I don't deserve it ugh I'm so confused he'll just leave like everyone else I mean I hope he doesn't I don't want him too I'm feeling things that I've never felt before but it just scares me more gives him a chance to hurt me deeper maybe I should just go find some meth I mean it always makes the voices shut up at least God what is wrong with me I really am just a fat rotten ugly piece of shit I don't deserve any of this maybe it's all punishment a trick to make me feel safe and then next thing I know I'm broken and torn apart only this time I won't recover it'll actually kill me when it happens this time