day fourty-something

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my days are a blur when i'm not with you. Especially now i'm drinking. 

I don't know the day or the time. I haven't left my room in over a week. I can't sleep, i just lay here at night. And my days i spend wishing for sleep. But i never can.

I'm a wreck. I've ruined everything.

You won't speak to me. I've called you so many times when i've been intoxicated and i'm sorry. I lose control over myself. That's why i've hated parties.

Maybe if i wasn't such a mess i could have gone to parties and then maybe you wouldn't have met her. And maybe i wouldn't be this sad.

But i just am.

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