Tough Love

Part 24: The Line Between Life and Death

"That's what happened to Q." Murr says as he quickly looks away, pain and sorrow evident in his eyes from the horrifying memory.

TV Reporter: "A man driving a jeep wrangler was driving at an unbelievable speed, going the wrong direction and collided head-on with a minivan. Witnesses say that was bad enough as he didn't even have his headlights on, but it just so happens that a semi truck was close behind and hit both vehicles, sending the jeep flying through the air and rolling over and over again for at least 50 yards, possibly close to 80. The minivan fell into a ditch, which killed the infant in the back seat. The mother and father of the infant seem to have survived along with the truck driver, and what is to become of the man that caused this horrible disaster is still unknown."

I feel so sick at the sight of his jeep that I have to throw up in the nearby trash bin, much to the dismay of the rest of the occupants in the room. His jeep looks like a crumpled piece of paper. If he survives this, it will be a miracle, and that thought has me sobbing as Joe and Murr hug me and try desperately to calm me down.

But they don't know that I caused this. They don't know that this pains me so much that I've completely forgotten the self-inflicted wounds on my legs and stomach. They don't know that it should be me in that room... it should be me who died.

Later that night

It took us about half an hour to work up the courage to call Q's parents and his brothers, all of whom promised that they were getting on the next flight to New York. We're not expecting to see them for a few hours at the very least. I could hear his mother crying hysterically as his father told us this, and that only made the pain worse. If Q doesn't make it and she loses her son, it would be completely and totally my fault.

The three of us sit there in complete and utter silence, the shared pain simply too much for us to talk about. We don't dare to move until his family finally shows up, at which time we rise to hug them all. His mother especially clings to me desperately. I'm not really sure why, and I don't even know how much she knows about our relationship, but it's comforting to know that someone else is praying for his life just as much as I am.

Sometime after they arrive, a nurse comes over to our large group and we all stand, anxious to hear good news. She looks over her notes and frowns, and my stomach plummets. "This is the family of Brian Quinn?" We all nod. "He's still in critical condition, but we're confident he'll make it through the night. It's hard to say what will happen after that."

"But the night is almost over," Mrs. Quinn whines, "It's two in the morning!"

"I know ma'am, but we're trying our best, please try to understand that. Right now he's on a breathing machine, but his heart is beating on its own, which is very good. It's irregular, but we can work with that." The tension seems to dissipate at those words, but it doesn't leave entirely. "Let's see here... he has a broken leg, his left one, a compound fracture in his right arm, several cracked, bruised, and broken ribs, and severe cuts everywhere due to the shattered windows. His eyes have also been damaged from the glass but hopefully surgery will help them heal. His right lung also collapsed but we've just finished that surgery. And..."

"Aaaaand?" Joe eggs her on. "What else?"

"And he has a concussion. If he pulls through for us, we can't guarantee that he'll wake up. I'm really sorry. But his parents can come see him now." At that, the nurse leads Brian's parents away, who look more scared than happy to go see him. I think about how I might react when I finally get to see the love of my life in such a horrible condition, literally clinging to life. I begin to hyperventilate.