She always waved and always smiled to passer bys
But this happiness you see lasted a short while
She got older and longer got the cries
But in the day she feigned her youth
So people couldn't see the pain in her eyes
She told them she was sick, that she was just tired
They let it get away by saying "hope you get better" and
She accepted it but it was futile
The only help she got was from blades on her thighs
Before she went to bed she'd say "good night"
Kiss her mom and dad on the cheek, flash one last smile
But before she tucked herself away she'd pick up a knife
Dig the blade so deep she could hear the slice
Not just seven, eight, or nine
She'd cut all over till satisfied
She covered the carvings and then it was bedtime
She went under the quilts and cried another night
Cried herself to sleep till her head started to wind
She drifted off but unfortunately it wasn't the last time
Soon it was summer and all she wore were long sleeves
She couldn't risk having anyone see
Her scars that she tried so hard to conceal
Blaming the cat was the only card she'd deal
She sat alone at lunch and thought to herself
"What a mess my life is, despite my loneliness"
She watched others have fun with all they said
But the words directed to her were so harsh they were meaningless
She'd run to the washroom and silently snivel
Reminding herself that to dirt she was equal
According to society
Giving her anxiety
Her body wasn't worth it
And her face wasn't perfect
She looked in a mirror and cursed
Down at her wrists, in scars she was immersed
One day she came home and simply thought
She stared at a sunset through her window and internally fought
Her decision was made, and though it was tough
All she had to do was put the rope around her neck and tug.
So she tied the loop to the ceiling and put a stool beneath
Then quickly wrote a note to her family
"I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry dad.
You were the only real friends i ever had."
She got into stance and took one final breath
And after that, she shook hands with death
Her mother walked in to see her daughter
Hanging, limp, directly above her
Her knees buckled and her body collapsed
Sobbing, she picked up the note to her left
"i don't fit in
I tried my best
This world is full of sin
This life was a failed test
I apologize for all the pain I've given you
But I am still here, right beside you two
I am up above, or maybe down below
Just a better location
As an eternal vacation
We'll meet again soon
Just look at the sunset
Beyond it I'm watching
In hopes you won't forget
About me, and the battles I've fought
You'll make it through the night
Unlike me you're a fighter
Just hug your pillow a little bit tighter
But i know in a year, you'll forget i ever left
I was never one who god decided to bless
But I'll hold on to our memories and of them i'll dream
But for you, nostalgia shouldn't be keen
Now i better go, there's barely room to write
And yes i was defeated, but you will stay bright
Remember that on you my eyes are set
So, good bye, i love you, this is it."
