baby ⇒ jeff atkins

11.

"if you're lying to me diana," he starts but i just huff in annoyance. something i would never do around my mother. she would freak.

"dad," i plead, turning around with heavy eyes. "can i just go up to my room?" i say, tired of this conversation. i'm not even lying, i'm telling the truth. who knew the truth would be so exhausting?

"fine," he grumbles before going back into the living room to watch the history channel.

i sigh in relief and quickly drink the water in the glass. i fill it up once more before heading upstairs to my bedroom.

i walk into my room and nearly drop my glass of water as i see flynn casually lying on my bed, with a pink post it note in his hands. he's carefully tracing it with his fingers and doesn't stop to look up at me. i'm not even sure if he's acknowledged that i'm here.

"jesus, flynn," i sigh, setting down my glass in case i do drop it, "what are you doing here? i thought you had left," i say. i wasn't as sad at the thought of flynn leaving compared to marcel.

flynn comes and goes all the time, but marcel was the only one who was there for me through everything. including this pregnancy.

"marcel left a note for you," he says calmly, completely ignoring my statement about him leaving.

"what? when? where?" i say quickly, starting to panic slightly.

he smiles slightly. "I forgot you like asking questions," i ignore his statement and wait for him to continue. is the pink post it note from marcel? what couldn't he tell me on the phone?

what if it's about the pregnancy?

"i know, diana," he whispers, handing me the note, "i know you're pregnant," he tells me and it makes me want to scream as soon as his words register in my head.

how do people keep finding out? am i that fucking careless? if my parents are next i might as well just jump out the window now. save them from throwing me out of one.

i read the note, and it's definitely from marcel, anyone could recognise his distinctive and shitty handwriting. it reads:

by the way, flynn knows. he heard us

"i haven't told anyone," he reassures me, but that doesn't help at all. "i can help you, you know," he stands up and places a hand on my shoulder. i know he's trying to help, and i know he's my brother, but he feels so distant. his hand feels like it belongs to a stranger.

"help me? flynn, you're never around," i say, raising my voice slightly, "you leave at the slightest inconvenience, and i have no doubt that this is inconvenient to you," i glare at him before walking past him to slump down on my bed.

"i'm not leaving," he tells me.

"everyone leaves me," i say very quietly. i say it so quietly that i'm not even sure if i've said it out loud or if i'm just thinking it. "i'm not worth sticking around for," this i know i said out loud, as my throat is so dry it comes out as a croak.

"what? where's this coming from?" flynn says sincerely, kneeling down in front of me, my hands in his.

"everyone leaves ," i repeat myself, "marcel, you, and probably jeff," tears start to swell in my eyes as i say jeff's name. i know it's 'fake' but as far as anyone else is aware, jeff has left me for vera. left.

"jeff? is he the dude who got you pregnant?" his voice is tinted with anger, which makes me smile slightly. at least i know my oldest brother cares.

"that's the one," i sniffle, can't believe i'm getting this emotional in front of flynn. i don't think he's ever seen me cry.

"wait do you like him or something?" he raises his eyebrows as i shrug.

"i don't know, it's complicated," i say. wow. I can't believe I didn't just say no. i should have just said no. because it's not like me and jeff are a couple, we just had a one night stand. that's it. it shouldn't be complicated, it's pretty simple. yet, i couldn't bring myself to simply say 'no'.

as if on que, i hear tapping on bedroom window. i peel back the curtains slightly and see jeff on the sidewalk, smiling perfectly at me. stop it, diana. 'it's just hormones' i keep telling myself.

flynn joins me and looks down at jeff on the sidewalk. "wait, is that jeff?" he scoffs as he pulls away from the curtain.

i nod. he did say he was going to come see me earlier before i got the chance to tell him that that was a bad idea. and that at the age of seventeen, i still get grounded. didn't get the chance to tell him that either.

i hold one finger up to jeff, indicating that i would be down in a minute. "wait, you're actually going to go see him?" flynn asks as i head towards the door.

"yeah, i have to," i tell him.

"but dad might see you," he replies. "why not sneak out the window like you used to?" his question makes me rolls my eyes.

"because i'm pregnant, flynn. i'm not gonna Jump out the window now, am i?" i reply sarcastically yet seriously. i walk out of my room without waiting for a response.

but he's right, i probably will get caught as dad is downstairs. but i also really want to see jeff. i creep down the stairs and peer into the living room. fortunately for me, dad has passed out on the couch in front of the tv. i sigh in relief and quickly creep past him.

i slowly open the front door, causing the front porch light to switch on. i flinch and look back, paranoid. nope, still passed out asleep. i look back and see that the light coming from the porch is shining onto jeff's face perfectly, deepening the shadows in his face and highlighting the tips of his face. i can't help but stare.

"hey," he smirks as i step down from the stairs and join him on the sidewalk.

"you know you can't come here, atkins," i sigh as i stand in front of him. "plus, i'm grounded," i roll my eyes as i cringe at every word i say.

"grounded, huh?" he raises his eyebrows, "so am i," he laughs lightly.

"you snuck out?" i breathe, also lightly laughing. i'm glad i'm not the only one who still gets house arrest from their parents.

"yeah, but i really wanted to see you," he smirks at me again and i swear i feel my legs give way. but no, i'm still standing.

"really? what for?" i ask quietly, still paranoid that my dad will wake up and suddenly come between us.

"to do this," he breathes as he cups his hand behind my neck and pulls me closer to him. before i have time to even register what's happening, or to even register what cheesy words just left his mouth, his lips are on mine.

i can't help but kiss back. his lips are so warm and soft. i swear it  wasn't like this the first time, at the party. maybe that's because we were both drunk. but this is so much different. so much better.

i cup his face in my hands and i can feel every bit of his face and it feels amazing. i don't know how much time has past by the time i'm forced to pull away due to the lack of oxygen, but it feels like hours.

"sorry, i've just been really wanting to do that all day,"

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I'm so sorry this is the toughest year for me so far (academically) and boy oh boy am I drowning in school work