One-Shots

Forever and Always

Forever and Always



        “I think I don’t want to go off to university. I mean I could just stay here and live the simple life, with you. I could always go to the local community college or go to work up at Marty’s Grocery if I wanted and you could stay at the house watching over your brother and sister. You know we could make it work. I love Mark and Sara and if we’re both at home then we could really raise them like our own. And then, when it’s late and they’re in bed, we could sneak off down here – to our spot – and just talk like this. Nothing ever has to change, James.”

         James took his eyes away from the sky and looked down at his boyfriend, Eli, who was speaking.

         “You’re talkin’ nonsense,” James murmured. “Cheesy nonsense at that.”

         They were in the middle of the backwoods, about a mile out from James’ house, lying on heavy blankets in the bed of Eli’s truck. It was almost two in the morning, and they were alone outside with the stars and the moon. 

         Soon, Eli would be going to Dartmouth while James stayed at home to take care of his younger siblings. For the first time in their lives, they would not see each other every day and neither of them was sure how they were going to handle it. 

         “I’m serious,” Eli whispered, ignoring James’ comment and sitting up straight. He didn’t have to whisper, because they were alone, but he did anyway. “I don’t really want to go off to some fancy college anyway. I’d rather stay here, with you, Sara, and little Mark. We could be a family, a real family.” 

         “I’d like that,” James whispered back and he wanted it, he really did, but not at the expense of Eli’s future. 

         James’ brain was so clouded and his stomach so knotted that he felt like he was going to be sick. He honestly did not want Eli to leave, especially to go off to some school where he was sure to meet guys who had done more than just take their football team to state finals two years in a row. 

         James thought maybe that was the whole reason Eli applied there – to get away from James and his drama of a life.

         “Me too,” Eli said smiling widely. “See? We could have that, the picture perfect life.”

         “But Eli,” James said, painting on fake bravery, “you gotta go and make something of yourself. Do our shitty little town proud by showing those rich colleges kids what real men are made of.” He smiled then, even when he felt like breaking down and crying because life without Eli would be hard. They had already been through so much together – even through the death of both of James’ parents just months before – only to be torn apart by this.

        James wished he had tried harder in school so he could’ve went off to college too, but he also knew how useless it was to wish for things that were never meant to be. He could still have had Sara and Mark to take care of. He couldn’t just abandon them to go chasing after stupid little dreams. He hated himself for how badly he wanted to just leave and be free.

        “Why can’t someone else make our town proud? Why’s it have to be me? Staying here was good enough for my parents and it’s apparently good enough for you – so why can’t it be good enough for me?” Eli asked, his hazel eyes were searching all over James’ face for answers.

         “Because,” James started, completely unsure of his ability to convince Eli to go, “you’re better than this. And sure it might feel like this town is good enough for you at first, but how long before it’s not? How long before I’m not?”

        Eli was silent as he stared at James. When he realized James was waiting for an answer, he spoke up. “N-never,” he stammered, “you’ll always be good enough for me. It’s you and me, forever and always.”

         “You sure?” James asked, but even as the question left his mouth he found himself being selfish. He was really going to do it; he was actually going to let Eli stay – in their wasted town – just so he wouldn’t have to be alone. 

         He began to wonder what happened to the quote that said if you love someone you should set them free. And yet, he didn’t want to let Eli go, he couldn’t. Because without Eli he wasn’t sure what would happen to him, what he would let himself become.

         “Yes,” Eli said, beaming at his boyfriend of five years. “Of course I’m sure. How could I ever leave you behind?”

         James started to answer, but Eli interrupted him.

         “I couldn’t,” he said, answering himself. “Because I belong here, not in New Hampshire, not at some fancy college with kids who aren’t a thing like me, and definitely not anywhere away from you. It’s me and you, forever and always, you got that?”  

        “Yes sir,” James said enthusiastically as he saluted Eli with his right hand.

         This was Eli’s decision – not his – he realized, and if Eli thought this was what was best for them then it probably was. Either way there was no point in freaking out about it, if it is meant to be then it will be, right?

        And when they kissed, James felt like Eli had made the right decision.