I've been thinking much lately. The past months were pure horror. First my grandma, than my friend and as last you. Everything in one week. How could you just break my heart like that. To be honest it was planned from the beginning on, wasn't it? I knew someday you were gonna tear me apart and i won't get over it. It's getting better but my thoughts will never become better. I don't say that I've constantly bad days, but the truth is that even if someone has a good day, it always ends up in overthinking late at night. I barely sleep anymore, I don't sleep longer than 5h per day and that's really fucked up. I'm not even 18 yet and I feel like it's all too much. How should this end in a few years? Maybe I'll survive this pain but maybe you find me in a corner overdosed, I can't promise anything anymore. Who knows if you wake up the next day? Who knows how people like me really feel. Some make fun of us. Some are afraid. Some don't even care and leave. Like you left. You put the fault alone on me. I tried so hard and lost. I gave everything i had and it still wasn't enough. It probably would have never been enough. At least i tried. Maybe it all is good how it is now. Maybe you were the key to a good life. Maybe we see each other again some day and cry, maybe not. Maybe you'll find someone that can make you happier than i could. I hope you'll find your happiness, but I also want you to see what you did to me. I never felt like that. I'm in this "life" which is a never ending sad story. Idk if it's depression or just sadness but it doesn't make a difference to me anymore. I know for myself that I've never felt this empty and cold before and I hope for myself that maybe someday somebody can take my pain away.
