Dreaming Of More Than Just A White Christmas {Phan} (Book Four)

🎄One🎄

"Phil?"

I softly called out for my husband yet again. It was the day after Christmas and ever since Ellie left, he's been really upset. He's even locked himself in our bedroom, only letting me in when I got really tired and wanted to go to bed.
"Phil, please open the door." I whispered as I softly knocked on bedroom door.

Much to my surprise, I heard the small, barely audible click of the door before it swung open at a snail's pace, creaking loudly as it did so.

Not wanting to wait any longer, I opened the door and stepped in, making sure to close it behind me. After it was closed, I turned around so that I was facing Phil. Upon seeing him, I was shocked by what I saw, and I even had to blink a few times and squint my eyes to make sure that neither my mind nor my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Phil's eyes were bloodshot and had dark circles underneath them, his cheeks were tear-stained, his hair was disheveled, and his entire body trembled. His blue eyes looked up at my brown ones like a scared child would after they had been in their room crying and their parents had come up to check on them. His eyes had also lost the vibrance that they usually lacked and instead looked like they were a dull gray color rather than an ocean blue.

"Phil..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. I slowly approached the black-haired and blue-eyes man with my arms extended out towards him. Surprisingly, he accepted my offer, wrapped his arms around me, and rested his head on my shoulder.
"Dan-"
I shushed him before he could continue. "Don't talk. You'll only make yourself more upset."
"But I miss her so much!" Phil protested as tears spilled from his eyes and landed on my shoulder. While this wasn't the first time I've ever seen Phil cry and while it certainly wouldn't be the last, it still hurt my heart to hear his voice crack, to feel his tears land on my shoulder, and sense just how upset he truly was.
"I know you do." I replied in an attempt to comfort him, even though I knew that it more than likely wouldn't work. "But it's too late to get her back now. We thought long and hard about our decision, and I made absolutely sure that she was going to go and live with a wonderful family."
"That doesn't even matter!" Phil snapped as he looked up at me with tears streaming down his face. "We could've found her the richest and kindest family ever, and it still wouldn't have mattered. It wouldn't have mattered because that wasn't what she wanted! What she wanted..." He trailed off as the tears that had been streaming down his face as he spoke hit the ground. "What she wanted was us. She wanted us to adopt her, not the family you chose for her." He sighed as he placed his hands onto his face. "We didn't give her what she wanted. We were too focused on what we wanted rather to even try and consider what she wanted."
I sighed as I ran my fingers through his hair in another attempt to comfort him. "Yeah, I know. But it's too late to get her back now, unfortunately."
Hearing this made him sob loudly, which in turn made my heart ache. I sighed as I made one last attempt at comforting him by asking, "We still have each other though, right?" I couldn't help but smile as I looked down and ran my thumb over his wedding ring. My smile widened when he did the same thing to mine.
"Yes, of course we do." Phil replied as he continued looking down at the wedding rings. "But that doesn't make this situation any less difficult."
"I know it doesn't." I sighed. "But I just want you to know that I'm always here for you when you need someone."
Phil smiled at this, although it seemed very half-hearted and could have possibly been fake.

~~~~~

Everything can change in just a blink of an eye.

Even though I've been living and breathing on this place that we call Earth, there have only been two times in my life where I can truly say that this phrase, a phrase that can be both beautiful and ugly depending on the situation that you apply it to, described me perfectly.