Who am I {m.yg// j.hs}

1.

~written 10/14/17 5:30 pm

~dont read it you are sensitive to depression.

Yoongi stared at his hands, his back pressed against the alleyway's cold wall. The cold was beginning to penetrate his worn out jacket. Snow was falling all around him, turning his cheeks and nose red, numbing his ears and fingertips. In his hands were a handful of pills, pills that were supposed to take away the endless nagging voices in his head, and the never ceasing sadness. They didn't help. But if he took them all, they would, they would be gone forever. All the feelings, all the pain, all the voices. This is what they told him to do anyway.

Yoongi ignored the sound of people bustling around just outside of the alley. It was nearly Christmas, but Yoongi didn't have any joy, or anyone to share this time with. His father and brother were killed in a car accident, and his mother threw him out. He lived in a homeless shelter.

A tear fell onto the pavement. Yoongi sniffed. "You're worthless, Min Yoongi. Stop feeling sorry for yourself." Yoongi said through tears, using his wrist to wipe off his eyes. "You don't deserve to live. You have no one. No one cares. No one wants you here." Yoongi looked at his hands through his welled up tears. He studied the pills, the shape color, and size. He put them back in their individual bottles.

He got up from the ground, sobbing. His eyes stung as he stepped out of the alley. The wind whipped his face and blew tiny ice particles. He stumbled out of the busy town square. He headed towards the park, to the bridge over the little pond. He stood on the bridge, staring into the water. He looked at his reflection, disgusted with himself. Others would have seen a 20 year old male with taupe, wavy hair, pale skin with soft freckles, and deep brown eyes. Yoongi only saw a disappointment, a burden, and a worthless piece of shit.

"I hate you!" Yoongi screamed at his reflection. It began to snow harder, the wind whipping more violently. "Why are you like this?" Yoongi shouted, his body shaking, "Why can't you just get over yourself and move on?" he slammed his hands on the railing of the bridge. "Why can't you just forget about your father and your brother? They might have loved you but they're gone now? Why can't you forget about your mother she doesn't love you and never has!" Yoongi screamed and shouted at the top of his lungs, his nose running and his face wet with tears.

He fumbled with the cap of the first bottle, his hands shaking and struggling to see through his tears. He pulled out a pill and clutched it in his hand before setting it on the railing and reaching for the other bottles.

Yoongi had 12 pills in his hand, and he planed to take them all. He brought his hand up to his mouth and threw the pills back. He felt as each of them slid down his throat with the aid of a quick sip of water. Yoongi wiped off his face with his sleeve and laid down, his eyes open to the gray sky, the snow falling in thick snowflakes.

Yoongi began to feel nauseous and tired, his eyes growing heavy and his stomach doing flips. He felt tired, but awake at the same time. Yoongi's mind was beginning to go numb. He couldn't feel the cold on his body anymore, he didn't blink his eyes anymore when a snowflake fell on it. Yoongi looked to his left, and then to his right, examining his surroundings. "What a good place to die." Yoongi said, taking in the beautiful park, covering in snow like diamonds. "I don't want anyone to find me, so I can stay here." Yoongi said, his mind blanking. He fell unconscious, his legs and arms sprawled out, his head drooped to the right. It was done.