Watching Her

Chapter 3 {Fighting With You}

Her lips meet mine and I am almost sure my heart is seconds from leaving my chest because it's pounding so hard. I instantly step forward and slam her back against the wall as my hands snake down to her legs and pull them up so they are wrapped around my waist. Her lips continue moving along with mine like she's done this a thousand times as I begin carrying her back to my room. 

I lay her back on the bed and begin kissing down her neck as she moans my name causing me to lose all control as I quickly pull her shirt over her head, kissing from her lips down her stomach. 

I was twenty two years old and never in my life had I experienced the same emotions and desire running through my body than at this very moment. I felt myself pull away for a moment as my hands remained in hers, pinning them back against the bed. I showed a small smile before giving her a soft kiss on the lips and whispering three small words, "Are you sure?" 

It wasn't something I normally did; ask permission. I figure if a girl has let me get this far she's pretty well damn sure but something was different with Abby. I still felt this undeniable need to protect her and make sure she felt safe. I wanted this more than anything but I had to know she wanted it to and I had to know that when this was over she wasn't going to hate my guts.

My heart sinks at the sight of tears slowly pouring from her eyes as she shakes her head ever so slowly. I may have asked the question but I never expected this answer. I can see her eyes close as she tries to hold back the tears and I can feel her hands loosen around mine. 

I hated seeing her cry, I had seen a lot of heartbreaking things in twenty two years but I had yet to come across anything that made me feel as bad as I do when I see her cry. 

I slowly release her hands and sit beside her before gently tugging at her arms and pulling her into a hug. 

I needed her to know that it was okay, that I didn't expect anything. 

I needed her to know that the only thing I wanted was her but the only thing I needed was for her to be happy and even if I couldn't-more like wouldn't-say it out loud, I had to accept that her happiness may not be with me.

"Why now?" She speaks with a broken voice as she stares up at me with those big brown eyes, her hair a disheveled mess and her bra strap hanging down on one shoulder.

I stare back at her a moment before speaking just above a whisper. "Because you said you're getting married." Her face drops and this is just another time I silently remind myself what a fucking idiot I am over and over in my head.

She pulls away from me and stands above me with tear filled eyes as the pain becomes evident through her voice. "You only said those things because you don't want me to get married?"

I immediately begin shaking my head and stand up to face her with nothing but desperation in ever look and every word. "What?! No! I said those things because they're true and because I want to be with you, because I've always wanted to be with you." I smile and reach my hand up to her face, hoping for any sign of the love I could have sworn I saw just moments ago but all I see starring back at me is hurt and confusion.

She shakes her head and slowly reaches up to remove my hand from her face. "You've never wanted to be with me, Steven! I've seen how you are with other girls. Don't you know who you're trying to fool? It's me; the girl who stood by and watched while you broke every girl's heart in high school and held no remorse for any of it."

"Because I was already in love with someone else! I didn't care about those girls, Abby! I never cared about any girl except for you! It was always you!"

"You are such a fucking liar! You did the same thing with half of your other girlfriends! The only reason you went after them was because they were dating someone else at the time! Face it, Steven, you're addicted to the chase and that's all this is; a nice thrilling chase. Tell me that you love me, get me into bed, then leave me to face the consequences of my decisions and watch as everything falls apart with that smug ass smirk plastered across your face!"