Caught Between

new

     I blew out a breath of smoke. Half from the chilling temperatures, the other half originating from the cigarette twisting between my fingers.

     The cold was new to me. New to all of us. But, it would be worth it.

     "Fuck man, it's freezing." Ethan coughed on his own puff of smoke, resting his head on the seat in front of me. I barked a laugh.

     "Yeah, dude, we know." Jeremy said, his voice groggy and thick with exhaustion. He had refused to taking turns driving, something about the rest of us being irresponsible. I reconnected the bud with my lips, inhaling deeply before releasing. I licked over the chapped skin, a dazed smile forming as I stared out the car window.

     "This'll be good for us. Remember? New." I spoke softly, but they had gotten used to that. They understood. They always did.

     "Yeah man, new." I took a moment to glance away from the window and to my bestfriends, my brothers. They had always been there for me. There were four of us, best friends since third grade.

     Ethan's our jokester. Always there to lighten the mood, keep us smiling.

     I had been swinging by myself, a warm breeze circling me. A boy  about my age ran forward, flushed cheeks stinging bright red on his pale freckled face. He had a bush of thick red hair, whipping into his brown eyes, bright alongside his smile.

     "Be my friend?" His squeaky voice rushed out, bringing a smile to my face.

     "Sure! I aint got any of those!" His brows furrowed a bit,

     "Well I've got one I can share with you!" We shared a smile. We played for a bit, reaching new heights on the swings.

     "Oh! I almost forgot, what's your name? I'm Ethan!" I giggled a bit before answering.

     "I'm Richie."

     Jeremy is our back bone, always treating us like children. The Mother, we call him.

     "This is Jeremy! The friend I said we could share!" I had known Ethan a full two hours, and I was sure we would conquer the world together. A small boy with caramel hair sat reading a book, dark eyes rushing across the page. He held a pale finger for a couple of seconds before lifting his head, smiling.

     "I'm Jeremy!" My face stretched wide with the smile that overtook my features. Two whole friends!

     "I'm Richie!"

     Carson was and forever will be, our bodyguard. Our protector.

     "Hey, Loony!" I stopped in my tracks, begging my breathing to remain normal. Eyes squeezed shut, trying to block out the taunting voices.

     "Richie? What's wrong?" Ever since meeting, Jeremy, Ethan, and I had walked to school together. This was supposed to be just like every other morning.

     "Yeah! Hey, Loony! What's wrong? You gonna go cry to mummy? Oh, yeah, you don't got one of those, do ya?"  I could feel my pulse quicken, heart beating faster and faster as my former best friend stalked closer.

     "Go-" Breath in, "go away," Breath out," Go away, Jack."

     "St- st- still st- stuttering, Loony?"  I looked up, only to choke back a sob. He was so close. Too close.

     "Still see dead people too? Huh, Loony?"

     "Hey, Jackass!" All our heads snapped to the left, the foul word still fresh in our young minds. With wide eyes, I watched as a boy only a couple inches taller than I, with dark skin and eyes to match, march up to me, forcing me backward. He raised his glare to match Jack's, raising a brow, challenging him.

     "Now, I think I heard him tell you to go away. Did you?" For a moment, Jack stood still. A gulp rushed down his throat. We watched, frozen.

    "Answer me! Or I'll beat you dead, right now!"

    "Ye-"

     "Speak up!"

     "Yes." The dark boy smiled a little, turning to me and winking. I swallowed loudly, blinking back at him.

    "Then, why, are you still here?" Jack didn't hesitate to turn and bolt.

     "Th- thank- thank you."  I spluttered out, biting my already mauled lips. He turned to me with a wide smile, his obsidian eyes glistening kindly.

     "No problem! I'm Carson."

     "Ethan."

     "Jeremy."

    "Richie."

     And then there was...me.

     I never thought much of myself. Ethan likes to play with my curled hair. It's thick and dark, reaching just under my jaw. Carson always did say that his strategy to winning staring contests, was getting lost in my "olive green" eyes.

      I thought I was bland. Tan skin. Unruly hair. And green eyes.

     We need this. Something...new.